Another way to vent…

​I suppose the natural evolution of what I was doing is here…

https://youtube.com/channel/UCj8Bqvm_coEooyG9KszeDOw

Fwd: Nirvana

After a huge arguments, a very shitty day and everything that someone who believes in or perceives right or wrong would take up as fucked up, i learnt the biggest lesson of love and respect due to all the 'wrong' of the day. Closed my eyes, opened my heart and touched what i can now understand how someone with a religious background would perceive as a meeting with 'god', in a presence of complete and pure love and forgiveness with just sooo much understanding. Not 3rd dimensional love that is hurtful, possessive or jealous, no, pure, pure unconditional love and understanding. Pure brilliant love, no right no wrong, no polarity, just balance, everything in sync with the extremely humbling feeling and presence I'm in. Tears streaming down my face, tears of joy, tears of understanding, tears from being touched by this purity. A deeper understanding emerges, everything is right, everything is one, different distortions of the infinite creator. Confusion leads to understanding, the 'law of confusion' or what we call the 'law of free will' is just a primary distortion of the law of one. The same as the urge to teach is also directly related to the urge to learn unless you're not learning what you teach - just another primary distortion of the law of one. Behind the veil of secrecy comes the opportunity of misunderstanding, hence learning and so figuring it out in an either positive or negative polarized society or collective consciousness, but as you move higher through the dimensions there is only balance, perfection, beauty, understanding. After opening my eyes and drying my tears i was staring at my feet into the distance, light, halo, yellow burn, sense of deja vu and now i cant look at anyone without seeing a halo around them, it sorta looks like they are quantum leaping and then the colors start 'burning' out the halo, the weirdest, strangest and most enlightening learning experience through love and true understanding and a willingness to know thyself and i mean truly know thyself. Love and understanding, pure cleansing and healing love. True and pure unconditional love for yourself, true and pure unconditional love for others and more importantly the service to others. On the highest level teaching thus learning is godliness at a very primary distortion. Love, love and more love.

'In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.'

Buddha

What the Fuck!?!

So fucking dazed and confused and not at all one fucking bit amused, all i want to do is blow out my fucking brain but im not even sure that will stop this pain? I dont know what the fuck this is that i feel but i promise you this shit is real. A million and one things on my mind and the thing that bothers me is the one fucking thing i cant find. Everything and everyone is just working on my nerves, fuck me sideways - this is someting that no one deserves. All i constantly want to do is just to fucking cry and i do not have the foggiest clue as to why? Even considering some smack to numb out the pain, fuck that shit! nope, not again - i'm not that insane!
Completely fucking lost in this ocean of uncertainty and all i want to know is what the fuck is wrong with me? People everywhere just driving me the fuck insane, hell man - one person does not deserve all this strain. I'm really not sure how much more shit i can take because somethings gonna give soon and i'm talking snap...shatter...break!
Doesnt matter how much grass i smoke this annoyance i cant ease, jesus fucking christ! I just want one single second of peace. Words can even come close to express what it is that im going through and no professional, no quack or shrink will be able to tell me what the fuck to do? Constantly on the verge but not losing my mind yet and not one single fucking tear to shed...

'By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.'

Confucius