Should I care or just sit and stare?

Just trying to move forward in this sick and twisted fucking world, knowing and realizing that I'm not from this world but just in it, thrown into the deep end of a ocean of shit, hate and greed and trying so hard to swim yet every time you reach the surface some motherfucker just pulls you down again and this sink or swim gets quite tiring after years and years of struggling, there is always something or another standing in the way of your succeeding, understanding that the mountains in the way got put there for you to learn lessons and grow through the hard times but when in the name of god is it going to end, how much does one person person have to learn - a life starting with more shit than any child should ever have to cope with followed by 15 years of bad choices and addiction to the worst of substances, yet I'm still standing and trying to move forward and I'm not planning on giving up or let any of this shit get me down again. Stupid, stubborn, fed up or just fucking strong? The choice is yours to make, the answer I already know- a bit of all the above but a lot of the last mentioned cause all this shit I went through built strength of character like you can never imagine and gave me a new purpose of being and existence and through all the shit that gets tossed in my direction I'm just getting stronger and stronger, how strong does one person have to be and what is all this preparing me for? My opinion? Something big, not just big...gigantic. You'll just have to wait and see and remember as I've learnt, patience is a virtue....


'So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters'

Metallica - nothing else matters

don't know,should I care?

Confusion reigns supreme in times of frustration, anger and when pain is really present in ur life then so out of luck you feel yet the answers are always biting you in the ass but yet you are to preoccupied in your cloud of shit and unhappiness that if it spat in your face you won't even realize what the fuck just happened. Taking a slow stroll down the street, no rush-just watching the world go past you in fast forward and then you start moving slower until you stop to think, is this whole process of chasing wind so fucking important to all these sick and twisted people out there that are so caught up in a system of greed,hate and destruction that they never stop to take a breath and realize that there is more to life that driving a Porsche and thinking you are better than someone else cause your model of car or house is bigger, better or newer than your neighbors? Do you really feel so sad and insecure in who and what you actually are that you have to base your entire existence on material shit and through personal experience money, 100's of friends and trying to be better than everyone else doesn't fill that emptiness and hollowness you are feeling on the inside, it just makes you more and more shallow as you walk the path of trying to boost your ego. True love and happiness doesn't come from all these things society does so well in selling us through advertising and catchy marketing phrases. All they are doing is make us feel inadequate, inferior and make us envy all the people around us we are supposed to love as we love ourselves but that is where the problem comes in - see the dilemma you find yourself in cause if you start chasing all the crap the telly so strategically brainwashes us into buying and feeling like you are not anything or anyone if you don't dress like them and have everything they have. When do you ever get time to measure your true being, when will you ever know where your morals and values really are. You can never know who and what you really are if you are always living above your means and always relax in the lap of luxury. Just a thought though....

'Going down a dirty inner city side road
I plotted
Madness passed me by, she smiled hi
I nodded
Looked up as the sky began to cry
She shot it.'

Rodrigues - Inner city blues