Sex, drugs and hardhouse

Dying a slow and painful death every day, fucking up your whole life and then silently and desperately wishing it away, how much truth lies within this life completely ripped to shit and what in the name of god did you do with it? So many chances flushed down the fucking drain and in all those around you are constantly inflicting pain, always pushing your body's chemical tolerance to the max, not even taking one single fucking second to relax, then release all that's bad directly into the batter; then the emotional fuckups you're faced with will cause quite the shatter. After 16 years you take your 1st try to make a fresh start but why in the name of god does it have to be so fucking hard? Fearing a life free of struggling, addiction and filled with lies and covered in hate? To any normal or sensible person that would sound so beautiful, amazing and refreshingly great? Yet u have this deep nauseating fear running through every single part of your very existence - and boy does it knock, bang and hammer on you with persistence. How do u overcome a fear that is so majestic, overpowering in every sense of the word and then as well so great, the most sensible thing to do is to engage with yourself in huge motherfucking debate? Telling yourself over and over shit that for years you already know but in the way you live your life and make choices it hasn't even begin to show. So then what is the next step one should persue, what the fuck else is there left to do...? Patiently reak this thing open from the inside out, try to understand what it is really about? So many different ways to try and overcome this thing, yet you are afraid of what a happier and brighter tomorrow will bring, free from these opiate chains that are doing a fucking good job of tying you down and if you don't start moving forward then in this sea of addiction you will definitely drown and die a horribly slow and painful death and you can take my word for it: you will suffer untill your last breath...

'I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug'

The perfect drug - NIN