Fear of the unknown

Why the fuck do you do this to yourself time and time again? Are you really that afraid a new life to begin. It cant b scarier and worse than living on the street, and in this life and up to date all your demons you did meet? So why are you so shit scared 2 start a new life, i mean you are gonna leave behind all the hell and fuckups of addictions' strife! Yet for some reason you can't seem to get past a certain point in your recovery and just move on - and everythng in your head and in your life just feels so completely fucked and wrong.
No pls tell me what the fuck about this issue at hand. And that is an indepth problem that only a junkie can and will ever understand - it's exacly the same as that deadly suicidal boredom that goes along with coming clean, and you'll only understand it if but once in that situation have been. Everyone and everything in life really seem to be working on your bloody last nerve and your energies are all depleted every single last reserve, so how the fuck do you survive this without breaking some dumbfucks' neck just 2cm above his arse - and yet there are still stll soo many poeple that do not understamd why the fuck you still smoke grass? I mean im on my last nerve and fucking tense all the time. So is smoking a big fatty every now and then such a huge fucking crime? It just gives you more strenght for the day, otherwise in bed you'll waste it away - and then you'll never ever reach the top, and from all the regrets your heart may stop and you'll drop. Without any movement you are laying on the floor and then after a short while no-one will give about you a shit anymore. So the choice is completely up to you...sort ourself out and stop fisting yourself too...

'give me crack, anal sex, kill the only tree that's left - ive seen the future and it is murder' - leonard cohen