More of Me, myself and I

For months on end you've been on this hectic fucking mission to get and stay clean, I mean the whole works, healthy diet, exercise, water, green tea, honey and even going back to
where you've been. From heroin addict to vegan to vegetarian, then to health-freak over and over and over again. You're life is just for the the first time starting to take shape and that is when bad choices you make will once again your life start to rape; Right then...at that exact moment is when it seizes power, cause the only thing it wants to do with your life is to devour. And off all the good you've put in it, wants to and tries to take complete control; Cause I can promise u this mother-Fuqua wants to swallow you completely whole...
I'm talking healthy life style, and after being clean and serene for a while. No more clothing with cigarette burns everywhere and you're just starting to get back your natural charisma and flair. All your debt is nearly sorted out and fully paid, your head is sorted and your plans for the future is already laid. Your love life is perfect and true, and for the love of your life there is nothing you won't do. A whole new life for you is starting to take shape, all you have to do is get up, reach for it and then take. And then again it takes over, takes control and all those negative thoughts do is make you piss on your own goal...
Everything that's good and perfect in my life - all of that amazing stuff is in my grasp, every bad choice I make can make me lose all these good things petty damn fast. Everything good that I've built on over the last year; making stupid fucking choices can make me lose all of it and that is what I fear. Why is it whenever after out of this deep dark hole that you dug for yourself you climb, just as your fingertips get that first grasp of the floor-board, I mean this is something that really deserves a reward? Nope! That's when that certain part of you starts punching yourself in the sack? Its as if to the bottom of the hole you NEED and want to go back? What could possibly be wrong with a future that is happy and bright? Why would a certain part of you actually against all these good things want to fight? To find out what is the cause of all this conflict you have inside your heart? To answer a question like this you'll have to break every single little detail of your life apart...
So how do you convince yourself to just be happy and just to let go? With this power of heroin addiction pulling you back from just going with your lives natural flow. You really need to free yourself and completely surrender but also make it known that in this fight you are the number 1 contender. Just do your best Sid try to take back control and acknowledge the presence, grace and power of your soul, count your blessings and everything that's good, positive and bright, and then you'll realize and notice that it was really worth the fight...

'Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld, so I can sigh eternally.' - Nirvana, Penny Royal Tea