I suck at this subject thing

I have no freaking idea why ive always got such alot on my mind every day, it really affects me in alot more than just 1 way, even when i try to completely numb it the fuck out; through the dazed cloud im in i can still here it scream and shout. If it was distant and vague i might still be able with it to cope, yet somedays it is sooo freaking intense and loud it feels like there really is no hope.
A million thoughts, actions and arguements roaming, roaring and racing through my brain and all in different spots and places - sometimes i just want to get on a chair and hang myself with my fucking shoelaces... Just to get it to shut the fuck up for just half a second: PLEASE! Even if just for a while, then i think about it and once again realize that suicide really slowly just isn't my style? There has to be a way to shut it up for just one fucking minute, then ill be able to focus and really put myself and all my enery into it...I know i can shut it up for a while when im passed out, but thats not what gettng clarity is remotely about?

'I want to love you but I better not touch, I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop. I want to kiss you but I want it too much. I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison. You're poison, running through my veins. Poison. I don't want to break these chains'

Alice Cooper - Poison