Depression, confessions and obsessions

Everything in your life feels like its driving you completely insane, eveything you do feels complete pointless, mind-numbing and completely mudane. Just to get out of bed in the morning takes a lot of motivation and to keep going for the day takes ALOTTA inspiration...
I mean you can put an end to all of this shit right this second, but i thought u were a force with too be recond? Constantly thinking about putting a bullet in your head or the less messy options - hanging or a OD instead? It wont be much of a loss to me, but the again my brother will break if another dead relative he has to see...
So for the one or two people who love and care for me, i have to get up, make my presence known and let them see.; that this world is not gonna push me over and fuck me hard, i have to pick myself up; sort everything out and have to figure out where to start. The bullet in the head still sounds much easier tho, cause the other option is emotionally draining asn slow...

'Look on the bright rside, suicide. Lost eyesight I'm on your side. Angel left wing, right wing, broken wing. Lack of iron and/or sleeping. Protector of the kennel. Ecto-plasma, Ecto-skeletal. Obituary birthday. Your scent is still here in my place of recovery'

Nirvana - Milk it
.