Oops! I did it again

Hows this for fucking youself up the arse? 'If I can't get H for free today, im just going home and smoking grass'. That has to be what you call the most amazing and foolproof masterplan: get 1/2 a gram of smack for free, what ARE the chances man? You text the nigi... and guess what does the motherfucker actually say? The cunt actually says yes cause he's in a fucking 'good mood today?'...
Your whole body and mind turns to jelly cause he shudve said 'NO!', now you are out of control cause everything is shouting and screaming DON'T GO! Yet there is this teeny-tiny wee little ray of lite that picks you up and says: mission; ahoi! Conveniently forgetting all the hard work and arguements with yourself that you are about to destroy. Your mind is made up and your course is alredy set; and your other 99.9% percent is already singing ballads of hardship, pain, gutters and regret...
As you are missioning, 'no and don't go' are the words vicouisly minceing and mauling through your head the most. All the memories of addiction; pain, living in hell and hating every second of your life for years on end...Merely a faint ghost. How can this be logical or make sense in any fucking way? Why would you gamble with everything you have just a quick game of russian roulette to play? You were hiding the fact well that that you've already lost your ming very long ago! But fuck; if you are gonna continue going on like this it's really gonna start to show...

'Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most' - Ozzy Obourne