Confused equals...

Its just fucking negative shit this fucking addiction causes in your life every day, constantly wishing yourself and your life away. All i want to do is get over this shit, nothing major - just sobriety and thats it. Its not too much to ask not alot to want, why am i constantly making these bad choices like a stupid fucking cunt? Meddling in this shit and i dont know why, so numbed out i dont even have any tears left to cry...
All you are stuck with is anger, hate, frustration and craving, so eagerly at the beginning yourself you were enslaving, yet back then you saw it as naughty and a twisted sense of fun yet it wouldve been so much easier just to stay away maybe even run. But NOOOO! A clever fucking ass Ive always been, with my personality the outcome i shouldve seen. Now im stuck here in this deep dark fucking hole, nothing left but a broken dream and what feels like an impossible goal...
Just to say no and to stay the fuck away from using, looking at my arms full of holes and purple from all the bruising. A big sigh is the only way this emotion to explain, all this hurt caused by trying to numb out the pain. I dont even think there is sense in anything im writing, so fucking sick and tired of this constant inner fighting. Stupid arrogant fucking prick, idiotic motherfucker clever dick...


"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."

Toni Morrison - Song of Solomon