Cash is not the the only thing youre wasting, dissapointment is not the only thing youre tasting. Step by step and day by day youre just fucking up all thats good, ruining your life and fucking up your mood. So much unnecassary shit your adding to the equasion, all of this topped with a huge dash of frustration. I mean for fuck sakes is 'stupid fucking cunt' your middle name? Do you enjoy living in all this hate, anger and shame...
One fucking choice, one simple no, its amazing how quickly out the window all your strenght does go. Flying with the speed of light, one second youre strong and the next you completely forget about your fight. Weakness creeping in from the side and from this motherfucker it feels impossible to hide. For a fraction of a second you let go of your gaurd then again youre in hell and im talking right back at the start...
I can promise you that im anything but weak yet this fucking heroin addiction leaves me so extremely bleak. Suicidal in a million and one ways yet i hide it so well you wont notice it as i go on with my days. A shell i have as tough as nails yet im constantly hanging on to lifes rails. But this fight i wont give up and i mean never, not a chance of me giving up ever. Yet i feel like i only have this much strenght left in me to fight and before it runs out i have to reach the light...
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
Mahatma Gandhi
Lots of thoughts and feelings I was writing down while deep in heroin addiction, this was my therapy maybe even my journal but that’s not important. Juggling addiction, relapse, rock bottom, relationships, recovery, life and death. Inspiring journey about redemption, love, hate, mental instability and maybe even some hope and it rhymes. Laughing, crying, shouting and screaming all raw and uncensored emotions and truths. A love hate relationship with opioids and life but most importantly myself
Thursday, 6 September 2012
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