Dazed and cofused?

I really dont have a fucking clue as to what im trying to achieve? Or am i just being myself, a stupid smartass that's just plain and simple: stupid and naive. So many times have i fucked myself over and over and just for shits and giggles: another time or two. Im completely out of fucking ideas as what with my life i should do. Lost on this wide and long highway of sin, fuck me running - where do i begin?
Same as always stop thinking and prepare, cause sometime or another for yourself you must start to care. Medicine, food and...by know you know what to get off by heart. I suppose starting to get all that stuff is a good start. Except for getting movies you are ready to start your going cold, i mean you convinced yourself, the deal is sealed so its sold?
Well if thats the case then im not doing well at all cause i cant even take that first step and start withdrawel. Blogging about it and dont want anyone i know to see it yet, but im trying to shove it down complete strangers throats on the net? Not just fucking stupid but idiotic, god dammit im a really stupid dick...

'I don't know just where I'm going But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can 'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man. When I put a spike into my vein And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same. When I'm rushing on my run. And I feel just like Jesus' son'

Heroin - Velvet Underground