So fucking annoyed and pissed at myself beyond belief and comprehension; shouting and cursing myself and in my head giving myself a fucking lecture and even an intervention. Just for a single second you lose focus and your gone - completely losing control, but this fucking annoying bump is not gonna take me away any further from my goal, i might have stumbled but fuck that im getting up again and nothings gonna keep me on the ground, i really have pull my finger out my ass and just fucking do it this time round...
As long as im constantly and conciously fighting it i suppose there isthe tiniest glinster of hope: and then on the other side you have this huge fucking addiction and craving for the sweetest love of your life: heroin, smack, dope. You get to a point where its just heroin, destrucion, anarchy and here and there a wee bit of light, and that i suppose gives you some reason to fight. But sometimes you feel so lost and fragile in this constant you versus heroin addition fullscale war: your whole life is fucked, you know right from wrong, health scares, the works i mean you have all the facts and yet you stupid little cunt, all you want is more...
'it's something I have to do. I was there, too, before everyhting else I was like you'
The Fragile - NIN
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