Ive run out of subjects a looong time ago

Really trying hard to get out of this catch 22, i mean what the fuck do i have to do? Sitting making promises to myself even shouting and swearing, anything you lay your white knuckled fists on is victim to a tearing? Really just always frustrated and pissed, annoyed at yourself for so much life you missed...
Since you can remember its always been the same routine, either on a buzz or planning on trying to stay clean. Thats basically all youve been doing since puberty, but now theres a huge part of you thats starting to realise about little details in life like security? And shit like this has never EVER bothered you before - but now the worrying is fucking bad and just getting more...
Sometimes it so bad that it feels like my fucking head is exploding, to much worry, stress and negativity thats constantly into my life downloading. My bandwidth is'nt handling it very well, and theres some people who by looking at me can tell? But fuck all those who said i wont be able to sort it out, ill make it and show them what im really about...

'Lets nuke the bridge we torched 2000 times before, this time we blast it all to hell. I've had this burning in my guts now for so long. My belly's aching now to say.
Stuck down in a rut of dislogic and smut, a side of you well hid...'

Green day - F.O.D.