Another two days

So weird that when im clean i dont have much to say, normaly im bubbling over in everyway, maybe its cause im shitscared of the day that lays ahead of me, going to work and getting paid - god this is gonna be a huge test for me. Being locked inside your flat for two days is one thing, but lots of fuckups can being back in the world bring. For the next month im gonna be walking a wobbly fucking tightrope over the abyss, if i wasnt so selfconcious in my pants out of fear id probably piss...
Its five in the morning and the world is has started waking. Well? Im snug warm back in my bed cause since four ive been baking, not much ambition at this moment in time, for fuck sakes ive been clean for two days so this shouldnt be dubbed a crime. No rehab, no support system, home on my fucking ace, on the one side im looking forward to go to work just to get out this fucking place. For two days my prison was also my fucking salvation, well being locked in just prevented a bad situation...
Voice is still squeaky, body quite numb, most of the time ill just feel stupid or dumb. Body is completely outa fucking control stomach is fucked, and all off a sudden i realize that this day has already started balls to suck. Sitting on my bed tablet under my tongue, although i even this is sooo fucking wrong. Cause in 5 minutes ill be buzzing and the worries of the word turn warm and fuzzy...

'White lips, pale face. Breathing in snowflakes. Burnt lungs, sour taste. Light's gone, day's end. Struggling to pay rent '

Ed Sheeran - The A Team