BOREDOM, drilling into your fucking head, completly lost to the reality of the rest, a fucking ride on a rollercoaster wont be able to get me out of this feeling of death and mudane, mindnumbing reality that makes fuckall sense at all...yet i promise if i make that fucked up choice of using the thought of a spick will give me such a fucking lightning bolt up my ass, a extra blast of energy from nowhere, a new zest for your fucking life. It really makes you feel like there is something to live for when youre using and what if the only thing youve ever lived for; the love of your life, the cancer to your soul, your one your only smack but to be honest ive already had more than just one master, god and mistress in my life. I took to worshipping chemicals like it was religious. Made the choice-im a downer person, what goes up must come down but what is down just has to recover or even just sleep it off. Altho not all my poisonous relationships were with downers the ones i had with uppers went under the philosophy in you take enough uppers you feel like youve hit downers, otherwise cross addicted, rollercoaster, yo-yo, smoke buttons and rocks, shoot H then coke, speed and H, speed and valuim, acid and buttons god i really fucked myself up so badly in all ways shapes and forms- literally 18 years of total chaos yet utter bliss, cofusion and reality checks, losing parts of myself and picking up stronger and better pieces along the way, fragile aswell as on fire on the inside, the passion burning inside your soul, your chemical romance or poisonous lover. The one that kills and destroys everything thats good and pure. The things you love with all your being yet you have to have the most fucking hectic breakup of your life with them, so fucking hard to get over cause foor so long in your fucking life have you been missioning, upping and downing, manipulating, making plans, scoring and buzzing, living for every second of the plan and the score...No fucking wonder im this fucking bored...
'The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away or what is yet to be.'
Leonard Cohen - Anthem
Opened my eyes this morning and already i had to put up a huge fucking fight, but fighting addiction and the cravings is neither fair nor ri...
Why the fuck cant i just take this one last step into the unknown? I know my path is at its end cause in my dreams to me its been shown? Yet...
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