A new beginning...

...or is it the fucking end? Cause now its about picking up pieces and starting to mend. Sometimes it sounds like a better option to take a gun and paint the walls with your brain but for my brother itll cause a shitload of pain. A shitty excuse you might say - choice is yours: yay or nay? Well i dont actually give a continental blue fuck as to what you think, all i know it sux losing your mom and your dad trying to kill his misery with drink...
Shame! poor fucking me! still its a reality we had to see, actually not see but live and most importantly fear and feel. This deep and dark place no child should ever see, not even to mention live, grow and try yourself to find or just be. I know there are so many people who has it alot worst but for once i must put myself first. Out of that the rest could actually turn out to be fine, it sounds so fucking cool: a future to embrace and a destiny thats mine...
Yet fuuuck getting there is gonna be a huge fucking mission and its gonna take alot more than just praying and wishing. How the fuck do you pick up that wasted time of 18 years? How the fuck do you get rid of all the uncertainties and fears? You actually get overwhelmed if you realise all the shit you still have to do, you get so fucking pissed off and annoyed cause yourself very hard you did screw. For fuck sakes now its about make or break, yet i sometimes doubt i have what it would take...

"I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periledlife and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom."

Edgar Allan Poe