I had to lose the most amazing thing thats ever happened to me in order for me to realise 'WHAT THE FUCK! are you doing?'. Now that i understand, it doesnt sting that badly anymore. This was really the hardest lesson i couldve ever learnt, from relapse to suicidal, to hating everyone and everything to hating myself and i mean really fucking hating myself. Meddling and wollowing in my sadness and insecurities, drowning in all the remorse i feel, falling, falling, falling, deeper and deeper into the darkness, despair and uncertainty of addiction. No more love to balance this - only getting fucking darker and darker - deeper and deeper, more and more stuck in a fucking rut. You know all the sollutions to every single problem in your life yet you cant change a fucking thing untill you get out of this fucking addiction you so casually put yourself in again...
'I'm lying alone with my head on the phone Thinking of you till it hurts. I know you hurt too but what else can we do. Tormented and torn apart. I wish I could carry your smile and my heart for times when my life feels so low. It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring, when today doesn't really know'
Air Supply - All out of Love
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