Another 24 hours

Just put yourself through hell again to get clean and sober for another day, about the third time this month...so hip-hip-fucking hooray? Trying to pre-occupy your mind by watching movies and smoking lots of grass, locked up in you're safe as long as you dont have cash in hand and sit still flat on your arse. Getting overwhelmed by the success of 1 day of staying clean, you start getting jittery watching the clock and you know this feeling but ignorance makes u think:'what does that mean?...'
36 hours later and your prison door is no longer locked, all of a sudden there is not just freedom but cash aswell and the whole foolproof eqausion is fucked. Why is it so fucking hard to break this habit and just walk the fuck away? Why cant i just wake up and for once like most people have a normal fucking day? Not having to open my eyes in the morning, take 4mg of subutex and 10mg of valium before i even started yawhning...
I promise you that this really isnt even a life i would wish upon my worst enemy, i i promise you most drugs are fucked up but heroin, coke and meth: just let them be. Its one of the questions or curiousities in you life that shouldnt even be cosidered, you might as well commit suicide or hire a hit-man and have yourself murdered. Cause this is no half an excuse of a life; if you can call it that, for anyone out there, the devil on your back, it feels like a demons' controlling your mind, life is completely outta control and for the rest evrythings fine - well except for the occasional health scare...

'A mistake is simply another way of doing things.'
Katharine Graham