Past tense

Never ever will anyone ever understand how freaking badly i just want to completely leave my past behind, a totally and utterly fucked up life consisting of things more depressing and dissapointing than kind. Cause after literally throwing and wishing more than half your fucking life away, now you've got enough understanding so the thoughts of suicide are gone and now alive you want to stay. Suddenly the question emerges: What the fuck are you gonno do? Just stand still and take it while jumping up and down shouting, screaming and begging: HERE! HERE! Me again! please? Harder, stop fucking around and screw!...
FUCK YEAH! I finally got the sighn that this addiction is eventually over and done; from here on i can be free of this prison i so eagerly sighned myself up for and enjoy life for a moment or two and maybe even have some fun? Make up for all the time youve wasted and the life youve thrown away, make sure that not one bad or evil memory will wanna stay. My subconcious is building my reality, so its time for me the positive side of things to start and see....
For fuck sakes but how many times have you uttered these words to yourself before? Lets believe this really is it cause my body can take how many punhes more? Already all these little aches and pains im trying to wish away, and all i want to do is be healthy, happy and be alive for another day. Cause now that i chose to live and actually with my life achieve more, now for the first time im actually not looking forward to being found face face-first in a puddle of vomit on the bathroom floor...

'I'm doin' this for me, so fuck the world. Feed it beans, it's gassed up if it thinks it's stopping me. I'm a be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtably. And all those who look down on me, I'm tearing down your balcony'

Eminem - Not Afraid