Undescribable is what power this bitch drug called Heroin has over every aspect of your being - you've seen, you know and you've even experienced how it fucks everything up yet you worship it; cause I aint fleeing? You really fucking hate every single thing it brings into your exsistance, yet youre down on your knees, worshipping and not showing any resistance. Youre actually running back to your love just to get raped again and again, its quite fucked to to see someone running back to their rapist and begging them to begin...
Once every now and again you put yourself through the whole cold turkey process filled with sleepless nights and pain; if you make it through all the yellow bile vomit, shits, aches and sweats its the not sleeping for weeks that eventually breaks you and drives you insane. Youre pupils are so massive that you actually start to hallucinate, if you didnt feel like death warmed up the visuals could actually be fun and maybe even be cosidered artistic or even great. You cant handle this dreadfull feeling thats following you around for one for one more second of the day: cause the big fuckup is that you know 'just one hit and all that feels wrong and bad goes away'...
Yes, run back to your rapist and fuck yourself over completely but atleast for a while youll feel allright - god dammit youll fall asleep right away and then still sleep straight through the night. As perfect, and amazing as that may sound, by taking that hit will once again give your rapist an open invite to come round. And by making out of desperation a stupid choice you really fuck yourself over soo hard: cause if you wake up and youre well rested the craving in you has woken again then you're right back at square one - yes i mean right at the line where you start...
'Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good. Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would. Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could. But...'
Kanye West - Addiction
Lots of thoughts and feelings I was writing down while deep in heroin addiction, this was my therapy maybe even my journal but that’s not important. Juggling addiction, relapse, rock bottom, relationships, recovery, life and death. Inspiring journey about redemption, love, hate, mental instability and maybe even some hope and it rhymes. Laughing, crying, shouting and screaming all raw and uncensored emotions and truths. A love hate relationship with opioids and life but most importantly myself
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