Monday, 12 July 2010


So much freaking time has gone by
Since I've actually wanted to get high,
Yet every day this fucking routine I follow
And more and more of myself smack will swallow.
Everything going up in a huge ball of smoke
And yet I take it as a big fucking joke.
So much energy I waste-
On this bad fucking taste,
In my mouth all day long-
And even I know its wrong?
So much streng it takes this to hide,
Yet I go along for the ride.
Every day just wanting more and more,
Like a zombie going and going for the next score,
Constantly worrying that this heart will stop to beat
Not using causes cramps from my head till my feet
Always trying to numb out the pain
Constanly complaining- this shit drives me insane,
Losing my mind bit by bit every day,
Sometimes getting so desperate I start to pray.
So when will a wake up call come to me,
Or has it been reaccuring and im to blind to see.
Just going on and fucking all,
Just using doing this shit to avoid the withdrawal?

' Sugar man, won't you hurry
'Cos I'm tired of these scenes
For a blue coin won't you bring back
All those colours to my dreams
Silver magic ships you carry
Jumpers, coke, sweet Mary Jane'

Sugar man- rodriguez


Seeing the positive side of all this crap,
Yet feeling sometimes I'm still in need of a huge slap, then maybe I could get over myself for once,
Maybe like a normal person enjoy something like a simple lunch? Not having to rush just to get the next score, and then making a realization-in life there is more, so what is all this complaining about? For once just let it go-scream and shout.
Free yourself from all this hate and shit, and maybe u can start to enjoy life just a little bit, forget about the frustration and pain, realize there is more in life to gain, focus on the truth and forget about all the lies, then you'll even be able to stop all these powerless cries. Eventually you'll dig yourself out and start seeing the light but I don't think even time will win this fight. These painful scars will always follow you around, as sick, twisted and fucked up as it may sound. It makes sense why so many people can't actually stop and catch on this shit till they eventually drop.

' When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life,well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong.'

Everybody hurts - REM

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Another crummy poem

Floating and falling into this sea of doubt, understanding what the fuck but not knowing what its about, in ecstacy 4 days a week & the other 3 just being plain bleek, always wrong yet always being right, not just accepting my fate without putting up a fight, from where im standing I can see everything crystal clear, yet not understanding the origin of this fear, going and going forward with breakneck speeds, just not being able to get rid of these annoying needs, that are holding me back in ways you won't understand, what the fuck is it from myself I demand? One day ill know what the fuck is the meaning, one day ill get it out without all the screaming, but when is this day I ask of you? and untill then what the fuck else can I do? Afraid of normality in very obscure ways, you will notice it in my out of line displays, always making noise louder than everyone, going through life always pretending to have more fun, always making jokes and laughing the loudest, pissing on and ripping off those that are the proudest. Hiding my habits and scars extremely well, that those who know me can't even tell. What the fuck?? Ill need more than luck...

I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die

and I want you

you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me

take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

The perfect drug-NIN