Friday, 23 April 2010


mind always bubbling over with crap, every time i open my mouth i set
a trap, fortunately not for me, but for all 2 blind 2 see, words are
my weapon of choice, you cant even note fear on the tone of my voice,
sentences full of sarcasm and rhyme, not just now and then but all the
fucking time, 2 many people who can talk the talk- but im one of few
who can walk the walk, mouth writing cheques my ass can cash, promises
made very harsh and rash, spinning your head in circles and round,
taking money out your pocket with only my voice-only the sound. tongue
getting sharper every day, you think youre a match then come on lets
play. if you see youre losing youll wanna get violent, a couple of
bitch slaps-ill promise youll be silent. actually im a lover and not a
fighter and as you can see a very korny poem writer?

I am my own parasite
I don't need a host to live
We feed off of each other
We can share our endorphins


Monday, 19 April 2010

crazy, maybe, not me?

not understanding why, no more tears left 2 cry, billions of angry
thoughts raging through my brain, mostly sick and tired seasoned with
a little bit of pain, not 2 mention all the anger and frustration,
lets not forget the lack of motivation. how do you break down these
walls you cannot see, how the fuck do you get yourself totally free.
ignoring it doesnt make it go away, tomorrow morning you wake up-same
shit different day. energy drained-morning 2 night, shit man this aint
right. when you fell in this trap little did you know, this is the way
that the story would go...

Friday, 16 April 2010

Different day,same old shit

your original reality-far,far away. your life-just happy 2 see your
next day. friends and family-all very long gone. truth and
understanding-atleast you still know right from wrong. health kinda
shaky-enjoying the rush? the couple of people left in your life-making
a fuss. i do not know where this will end, i dont even know how much
longer i can pretend. all i know this shits got a hold of me and at
this moment im very fuct-that even i can see...

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

A long december-Counting Crows


if you havnt been there you will never even be able to comprehend what
this white powder will do 2 you, you wont be able 2 begin 2 understand
how gently it wraps you in this warm feeling of security,
understanding and well being, being yourself plus one, being better,
faster and stronger at anything and everything-nothing can stop you,
you feel like you can take over the world, lead it to victory and even
make it a better place for us, for our children and even their
childrens' children. the feeling of standing at the top and looking
down and knowing you are the it, the everything but without you
noticing it starts taking away what it gave so abundantly and then bit
by bit, first slowly and then faster and faster it starts taking away
small things like your patience, your understanding and then its rips
this big hole into you, left with a big void that constantly needs
filling more and more frequently...

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

see?who me?he-he?

no guts, no glory, thats it-im sticking 2 my story, wasnt me, cant you see? is that your reason, out of season. lets not go there, i dont easily scare. pull out your gun, see me run, far far away, you wont see me till another day. for how long can we pretend, that all of this is godsend, due 2 all the ignorance everything is falling apart, want 2 see the truth-look inside your heart. break down everything that doesnt seem right, try 2 do it without a fight, pretend not 2 see the hungry mans plight, for this you need all your might, wait till he is literally out of sight, i promise you all this shit will bother you in the middle of the night? and they say ive lost my fucking mind?

Monday, 12 April 2010

free porn?

Forget the shit about-just say no, this stuff doesnt just let go.
Forget about-just for today, the thought doesnt just go away. this
craving-morning,noon and night, this feeling just aint right. as
fucking stoopid as it might sound, the detox will get you flat on the
ground. shivering,shaking and crying from the pain, the fucking
feeling will drive you insane. wishing upon your miserable life a
touch of death, wanting every one 2 be your last breath. how much more
of this agony can you go through, what else is there left 2 do- use
again 2 take this pain away and try 2 quit again another day...

Sunday, 11 April 2010

big fat fucking sigh

When the income is slow, the moral is low, everythin in the world is
up 2 shit, and that is roumd about it. how low can u feel, trust me
this fucking feeling is real. a quick hundred bucks will turn
everything around: as weird as it may sound. at this moment its the
only truth i know- and in my whole everything it will show. hating
life and everything that draws breath, such a nice thought that thing
called death. if only it didnt scare the shit out of me, how happy i
would be, to embrace this thought- what pain not having cash

Wednesday, 7 April 2010


it always goes this freaking way, at the end of each fucking way, not
much more left 2 be done, all you want is a hit-just one. a second
feels as long as a day, if only this hanging would go away, and your
day it feels like a year.if only this craving dissapear, but that
lucky you will never be, 2 rid yourself of this: 2 be free. how long
can you go on feeling this crap, you are the dumb cunt who fell in
this trap, and hard you fell face first into the ground and its much
worse than i can make it sound. its not worth it these answers 2 know
cause the lesson is long, hard painfull and slow.

Monday, 5 April 2010

anger is?

I dont know what the fuck is wrong in this fucking head f mine,
killing myself of like this-bit by bit and it's not even like there is
any enjoyment in it at all, every day is like a race against time vs.
money. a constant worry about health and well-being, knowing the
truth, knowing what 2 do, seen the light millions and millions of
times over and over, made the choices, the right ones again and again
but still its been the same old fucking story, same old freaking
routine going on ten years, well ten years for this game anyway and i
promise you this hasnt been the only one, the worst definately by far,
not the only, why i call it a game i dont know cause games are usually
fun 2 play and in this instance something, not even someone, has fun
playing with you-it doesnt make sense but not 2 much makes sense when
there is junk in the equation, wait everything makes a whole lot of
sense when there is junk in the equation its the people that dont make
any sense...

Sunday, 4 April 2010

still stuck at subject?

so much talent-beimg thrown away, so much anger-leading me astray, same shit over-day by day, most of the time this life feels like a badly written play. so much depth in life-completely misunderstood, most of the people in this life-fucking rude, for all this shit going on all around-im not in the mood. if only i could change them all-i wish i could. of all the people in the world-how many has lost their mind, 2 all the shit going on all over-pretending 2 be blind, all the answers-where can i find. can i be-only one of my kind?

Friday, 2 April 2010

yet another subject

in so many ways, over so many days, never getting 2 to the ending,
just getting better t pretending, that I'm am not, just another junkie
snot, if only you knew, how well this i can do, being the apple of
everyone's eye and all this is based on a lie, being the best at
everything i do, yet I'm totally fucking screwed, everything about me
screams junkie, yet I'm not the one being the monkey. if you look at
all the things in my life, the evidence is quite rife, yet no one
seems 2 see this horrible secret inside of me, this secret that I've
been hiding for years and guarding with lots of tears. every night
praying it will just go the fuck away yet this bastard thing just
wants 2 stay and ride me in more ways than one, hard 2 believe smack
used 2 be fun?