Thursday, 29 March 2012

Whoopi-fucking-doo!

One blog, 200 crummy poems later and its just fucking suicide thoughts, death and addiction? and the only thing its gotten me so far is sore thumbs and in my life A LOT of friction. The people in my life that is closest to me; they're the ones who i dont want my blog to see? Why? cause immediately afterwards it changes the way they look at me. From being everything thats good, humble and sincere to some twisted, confused junkie that they mistrust and fear...
Not the type of afraid like ill just jump up and kill you. but more worried that its them i want to screw. Steal every little thing i can lay my grubby little hands on; They dont even wanna look away from you for a second cause they're scared the dvd player might just magically be gone. Not even to mention what it did to my most amazing and perfect relationship? One of the crucial pieces of evience that completely turned it to shit...
I wonder if anyone actually understands what i say? Cause i dont even understand myself every fucking day. Most of the times wondering if i hav'nt lost my mind eons ago, other times pissed off cause ive been working so hard and for it I have nothing to show. See here i am again going on about shit thats in my power, i mean i can turn my life around by sticking to single choice that i can make at any hour...
You've made and stuck to it so many times before, why this time are you choosing the right thing to ignore? The whole time its on my mind and in my face, over and over i keep on repeating that even to myself im a disgrace. I have all the right resources to stop and never again use: why is is so fucking difficult to find a reason to live and then the right path to choose?

'Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?Come on, now, I hear you're feeling down. Well I can ease your pain. Get you on your feet again. Relax. I'll need some information first.Just the basic facts. Can you show me where it hurts?'
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Fuck that

Its actually difficult to prerend that u dont care cause some shit reallly bothers you when u get caught up in that 'into the middle of nothingness' stare. Thats when all the things you pretended to have moved out the way, come back with a bang and show you that they're here to stay. I mean i can try and numb it out cause tht usually helps you forget BUT when u come down its so amplified u actually break out in a cold fucking sweat...
On the inside a panic attack you are having a complete fucking nervous breakdown yet on the outside nothing - not even a fucking frown calm as you are literally going through hell but not one other person in the room can tell. Why am i writing down all this shit anyway? That is a worry for another day...

'Drank, dagga, heroin en poes het my lewe heeltemal verwoes' - weetie wie nie

Trapped

Being trapped inside your own body for what feels like a thousands years plus another year or five, sometimes you're so fucking numb that you really don't even feel it when you pinch yourself to make sure that you are still alive. This fucking neverending hell you are living in, absolutely nothing good in your life this shit brings. You're going through life just getting dragged the fuck along, clawing and gripping but unfortunately the force of addiction is just too bloody strong...
Fingerpoints, hands and elbows completely scraped to the bone and finger nails torn, from being dragged around for so long everything is fucked and worn. Sometimes holding on feels really impossible to me, but you must experience it yourself in order to see, what the fuck im talking about here, and im not gonna let it go on for another year...
Its like trying to get up while being pulled by a truck, sound impossible, can be done but holy shit and good luck! Fortunately after being fucked up and addicted for so many years, it makes you tough as nails and takes away most your fears. Just do it - i mean really go for it, get up and fuck everything and everyone with all their negative shit...

'There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface. Consuming/confusing. This lack of self-control I fear is never ending. Controlling/I can't see.
To find myself again. My walls are closing in(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before. So insecure!'

Crawling - Linkin Park

Monday, 26 March 2012

Slowly dying

Everything in your life is slowly but surely rotting away, sometimes
you feel as if its a miracle just to see your next day. Yet, strangely
enough you're not too worried about it, to be honest you dont actually
give a continental fucking blue shit. Wait a moment, thats a big fat
fucking lie cause everytime you feel a cramp or pain you panic annd
think: 'i dont wanna die!'...
Strange combination of emotions you go through, and you really don't
have half a fucking clue; cause on the one side you have considered
suicide before, but when you get a cramp in your heart you dont wanna
play that dying game anymore? I wish i cud make something of this
predicament thats so fucking confusing cause at this moment in time i
dont at all find it amusing...
You know the difference between right and wrong, you dont wanna use
but your addiction just drags you the fuck along. If you ever wanna
learn how powerless u can be, quickly get addicted 2 heroin and you'll
see. Everything will spiral out of control at the speed of sound -
you'll become a hermit and people will start wondering if ur stil
around...

Waddup??

After seeing how far you would actually go, at least your eyes are open and the wisdom and knowledge does show. Grown so much over the last couple of painfull years - god you even got rid of most of your insecurities and fears. Really built strenght and character like you won't believe, just a pity some of your strenghts is to lie and decieve...
Reshuffling your morals is fucking harsh and complicated to do, less difficult than the process it took when youself you started to screw. I mean acouple of bad choices and a twisted idea of fun. 1..2..3, you look again and your whole life is gone. I mean fucked up in every single form and angle, and with everyone and everything that's important to you in your life, you took a gamble...
This makes you think some more and then your whole dilemma just gets more and more complicated, and this weighing up of what's important to you just leaves you feeling more and more frustrated. Cause your love for the one side is unconditional and strong and on the other side you have this lust and craving and that part is soooo fucking wrong....

'I come along but I don't know where you're taking me. I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me, turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky, the more I give to you the more I die...
and I want you'

Nin perfect drug

Friday, 23 March 2012

Home sweet home

Its quite morbid and depressing if u find more comfort in a toilet than in your own room. Man...I'm no genius but that' just a forecast for doom. I mean it doesn't matter from which angle you look at it; its pretty fucked up and really quite shit. So comfotable the shitter has become to you, even when if you shoot up at home you do it in the freaking loo?
Home alone, and all the worlds' privacy - i mean utter bliss, yet you go and sit in the room normal people use to piss? Its becomes like your holiday house or your pause away from home, hiding from all thats bad - except from yourself in your little dome. Its here where you are completely, totally and utterly at peace; and in your perfect litlle stinky, smelly and messy hole you can completely be at ease?
But how at ease can you actually be in a public toilet; i mean its not just paranoia: you really worry. Cause sometimes unforseen crap happens, you have to flush your gear and then you're really fucking sorry. Especially if the shits really big and u even have to get rid of your tools; otherwise you'll be taken to jail by these fools. Murphys law: it was your first and only fix for the 1 day you don't have any money; well if you've never been addicted to heroin before; That whole scenario is not funny!
Having to start making a plan right from the fucking start, and except for the sore muscles and the cold sweats: you cant even fart? Walking around, thinking, trying to make a plan, look at urself...this is really no life man. So i just realised - maybe i shud leave the public toilets the fuck alone but the toilet in my house will always be the most comfortable throne...

Another statistic?

How in the name of god do u beat your worst enemy? I mean you cant ignore her or just let her be? She will rip your whole fucking life apart, yet you'll run back to her evertime you have a broken heart. And then after that? Any excuse to visit her is good enough, and before you can blink life has gone from sort of balanced to completely fucked and the all the edges rough...
Constantly being haunted by flashes of how fucked everything used to be, every step you take is a huge fuckup and this you can see. Yet you just fuck it up in a million and one different ways and forms and every fucked up decision you make causes an even bigger shit storm. And you can take my word for it that everytime you have 2 pick yourself up is soo much harder and so much more complicated and everytime you must untangle this web it makes you more and more frustrated...
The more and more pissed off and frustrated you get, the more and your last series of bad choices u regret.. When you are pissed off that all you wanna do is commit suicide, or wish that years ago you already died. How do u kill your worst enemy that also doubles as your best friend? how do you get away from it and start yourself to mend?
AND THATS THE FUCKING MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION...

'Rape me, Rape me my friend. Rape me, Rape me again'
Nirvana - Rape me

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Zoned out

Completely done and zoned out; i suppose its not what life is about, but it makes it better for the reality that comes with today and makes all your crap seem so far away. Out of sight, out of mind: a bigger truth than that is hard to find...

'excuse me while i light my spliff, oh god! i need to take a lift, from reality i just cant drift'

Bob Marley - Easy Skanking

Rhymes with?

Why this fucking thing called Heroin constantly on my mind,
thats one thought thats really not in any bloody way kind,
so badly wish that for once i could just relax and unwind.
Take a moment to regroup and then again myself to find:
Cause some mornings i cant believe that out of bed i actually climbed...
A lot and i mean ALOT of bad choices i wish i could rewind;
and to all the warnings i wish i wasnt so naive and blind,
cause heroin addiction is like a contract with the devil that you sighned,
and he fucked you hard - without firstly even getting dined;
and not even cosidering getting you wined...
But why does this whole fuckup feel so perfectly timed?

'One baby to another says I'm lucky to have met you. I don't care what you think unless it is about me. It is now my duty to completely drain you. I travel through a tube and end up in your infection'

Nirvana - Drain you

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Fuck you too

Is ir over rated, is it understated, what the fuck have u contemplated, then you make it more complicated and yourself is the only person you've irritated...
Working on your own nerves, more thn what anyone deserves, your place in hell is reserved, and there you will forever be preserved...

'if there is a hell; ill see you there'
NIN - Heresy

Fuck off

Hows about just fucking off and dying, its better than crying or denying but im not sure if its better than flying...
High all the time? Cant really a crime? Especially not at a needy time...

'i wanna feel the drugs fucking up my brain - twisted

Friday, 16 March 2012

Cheese toast

Everything in your entire exsistance, every single cell of your being is shouting and screaming: NO!!! Yet, there is this teeny-fucking-tiny-wee-little part of you that just doesn't wanna let go? Actually this part its not even originally a part of you; its something that with time you've cultivated it, fed it and with time more and more exponentionally it just grew. Its not even remotely possible to explain it to anyone who has never ever personally been in this situation, and i can promose you they'll never ever in their whole entire fucking life understand this explanation...
Always being bugged by this bloody monkey on your fucking back and you've got the top of the range model: the deluxe. And i'll never ever be able to explain to you how fuckedup it is and how hectically bigtime it really sux. Every single aspect of your life is completely fucked and i mean completely and totally spiralled out of control, the only thing that's getting stronger and stronger here is your soul? For the rest? pissed-off and annoyed is what you mostly get and then theres also the milliions of oppertunities you've missed that you regret...
So many oppertunities just fucking whizzing by, mostly all you wanna do is shout, scream and cry. Being so completely lost in oblivion and that's more than just quite fucked up, and then to get out of this position you put yourself in is gonna take mre than jst luck, a huge foolproof idea: a touch of brilliance, im talking a huge fucking masteplan is what you need here. And the irony that plan you nade was the easy part - cause after that you really meed the strenght to stick with your choice without showing any fear...

'Cause every time I go to try to leave, Someone keeps pullin' on my sleeve. I don't wanna, but I gotta stay. These drugs really got a hold of me.
Cause every time I try to tell them "no". They won't let me ever let them go. I'm a sucker all I gotta say: These drugs really got a hold of me.

Eminem - Drug Ballad

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Depression, confessions and obsessions

Everything in your life feels like its driving you completely insane, eveything you do feels complete pointless, mind-numbing and completely mudane. Just to get out of bed in the morning takes a lot of motivation and to keep going for the day takes ALOTTA inspiration...
I mean you can put an end to all of this shit right this second, but i thought u were a force with too be recond? Constantly thinking about putting a bullet in your head or the less messy options - hanging or a OD instead? It wont be much of a loss to me, but the again my brother will break if another dead relative he has to see...
So for the one or two people who love and care for me, i have to get up, make my presence known and let them see.; that this world is not gonna push me over and fuck me hard, i have to pick myself up; sort everything out and have to figure out where to start. The bullet in the head still sounds much easier tho, cause the other option is emotionally draining asn slow...

'Look on the bright rside, suicide. Lost eyesight I'm on your side. Angel left wing, right wing, broken wing. Lack of iron and/or sleeping. Protector of the kennel. Ecto-plasma, Ecto-skeletal. Obituary birthday. Your scent is still here in my place of recovery'

Nirvana - Milk it
.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Death becomes me

Why the fuck do i think about taking my own life the whole time? I cant b that big a crime. Just to the people u leave behind, that selfish choice you made was unkind...

oopsi daisies

Almal se poes, translated everyone's fat fucking cunt...and thats constantly how i feel and the hate behind it is real so.. almal se poes en klaar

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Merry christmas and a happy new year

So many lost thoughts in my head are just casually flaoting around, it wudve been okay if they didnt make a sound. But NOOO! These sons of bitches have 2 scream and i promise u thre is not a second of silence inbetween. Filling and Swarming around and around in my head all freaking day, i mean really: can't they just go away. Or even for a a day or two just pause but out of this there is no exit clause...
Gods truth: fighting it doesnt solve it in any way at all, if you were to constanly fight with it over your own feet u will fall. From this yourslf subconciously you have yourself to remove. If you take me for example: im living proof. The more you fight it the worse it gets, and then in the mix it throws all your regrets...
So now you are stuck with more than the usual shit in your head thats just storming, and none of it is in any way heart warming? Just negativity and hate bouncing around, and i also promise you that its much worse than what i make it sound. Atleast all this shit has eventually got to go away, cause one of us is leaving and i promise you: Im here to stay!!!!

lAnd a song I was writing is left undone. I don't know why I spend my time. Writing songs I can't believe. With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

Kathy's song - Simon and Garfunkel

Fuck you all

Im at this point: fuck every single one and every single little thing, that in my life unhappiness and misery may try to bring. Just push, shove or even headbut them out the fucking way, cause if they wanna fuck around they shuold find another place to play. Leave me the fuck alone, get out of my way and in my life - Stop fucking around. Ive got confidence in you cause to leave me alone and stop talking shit about me is actually much easier than it may sound...
I mean, really? How interesting can my freaking life actually be, that your so focussed on me that the magic in your own life you dont even see? Gossiping to bring me down so the people in the conversation can get distracted and forget, that at the end of the day the ones gossiping the most are the ones with lives full of unhappiness, misery and regret. Cause thats the sad part of their mediocre exsistance and behind that is an extremely mindnumbingly dull story: yet im a cunt cause i believe in living each moment in the moment and living by rules like: 'no guts, no glory'...
But there is always some stupid fucking cunt trying to cockblock you; then pulling out your hair seems like the most logical thing to do? Fuck them all in every likely position, form, way and shape! Im im not allowing anyone anymore my to dreams to rape. Im gonna have everything that you with success compare, but the thought of who i am and where i come from will always and forever be there...

'FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!MOTHER FUCKER!!!!'

Killing in the name - Rage against the Machine

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Subject; subject; subject

Do you really want to see how fucking retarded and selfish you can be? Just pick up a quick addiction and i promise you that you'll see. Nothing or no one will ever again stand even half a chance, while your still really just drag yourself around like a zombie in a trance. The one and only thing you are ever concerned about is your next freaking fix for the next hour: and then till lunchtime u might have some freaking strenght and a little bit of power...
Just to walk around and work for a while but I can promise u really that sooo fake is this fucking smile. Food or drugs? Is there really even a choice to make, cause this money to the nigerian im definately take, we can worry about our health and unimportant things like eating again tomorrow, im on a buzz, i dnt hve time for pain and sorrow...
But when u slowly and surely start recovering or coming down, all your issues return while so hungry youll actually express it with a frown. All the aguish and pain that jumps right back will bite you in the ass and that cant even be fixed or forgotten by smoking shit loads of grass. So what do you about all this selfishness and pain? Your too way to sensitive to ignore it so i'll probably just go in-fucking-sane...

'I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.' - Kurt Cobain

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Stars and stripes, dollars and white pipes

Yet another day with a million and one oppertunities that dragged their feet as they casually strolle by. All of them I completely ignored or fucked up, and that for me is reason enough to cry. What all with this day could you have achieved? The amount of oppertunities wasted: it cant even be believed...
Taking that first huge leap and making the right choice - showing yourself that you can still listen to your inner voice; however faint and distant it may sound - sometimes if the wind is blowing right; it brings it round. After hearing amd getting that reality check, you'll start to realize your life is a complete wreck...

'All I'm writing is just what I feel, that's all. I just keep it almost naked. And probably the words are so bland.' - Jimi Hendrix

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Planning on killing you dreams?

For soo many years have you put yourself through an undescribable amount of agony. Your world turned to shit around you but you were either too high or arrogant to see. Maybe out of my thumb can i suck one good excuse more...? You were busy making a way for cash to go and score. Actually that last excuse is so always soo fucking true - cause you're constantly busy with it yet its the only thing you dont want to do...
I suppose thats the main concern why everything just turned to shit, i mean running around all day to make money just to feel normal by taking a hit. So i suppose there is your main reason why your life completely collapsed and fucked out; but it can be rectified so leave me and go and find someone who wants to hear you sceam and shout. I mean i was stupid and here and there a bad choice did i make, no ones perfect so dont tell me you've never in you life out of curiousity made a mistake?...
After being bitten by that fucking god damn curiousy bug, along with alotta bad choices that caused the addiction and then started to rot. my advise to you would be: find something to believe in and start praying - like ALOT! Cause the rollercoaster ride of your life is yet to come - and i will promise you it wont all be games and fun. Pain, hurt, fucked up emotions, a bad name and even the worst stigma you can ever get. and when this whole fucked up party is over, your parting gift? A huge motherfucking overfull box full of regret...

"Sex, drugs, and insanity have always worked for me, but I wouldn't recommend them for everyone." - Hunter S. Thompson

When?

Every single little bump in the road you may hit; good or bad, it causes such amazing and uncontrollable shit. Usually when something happens and you dont know what to do - thats when shit really gets to you. But why would you have the desire to fuck it up when things are getting better and it starts going well? If you know the answer to this one of lifes mysteries; please share your secret and please do tell...
Cause this one i've literally being trying to figure this one out for years, and whenever i get close to all the answers of life the universe and everything...it just fucking dissapears; i suppose its usually cause you're so fucking tweaked or you just pass out, then when you come to your senses you cant even remember what the fuck you were talking about. All the answers are there for the taking if it wasnt for all yor brain frying, cooking up and wake and baking...

"A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemicalcompound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole." Frank Zappa - The Real Frank Zappa Book

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Really pissed off and annoyed

So pissed off at myself for making that stupid fucking mistake, all this building and mouling to turn into captain fucking recovery just started to crack and break. How can you actually even begin to consider too really fuck yourself over so hard!?! I cant even explain it to you cause i wouldnt have the remotest clue as where to start. Yet ill have to wait what the day of tomorrow will bring; will i be woken by a bit of anxiey or a stomach thats knotted, shouting and screaming?...

'Your health is declinling with your selfesteem, you're crying out for help. Is anybody out there?It feels like I'm talkin to myself. No one seems to know my struggle'

EMINEM/Kobe - Talking to myself

Oops! I did it again

Hows this for fucking youself up the arse? 'If I can't get H for free today, im just going home and smoking grass'. That has to be what you call the most amazing and foolproof masterplan: get 1/2 a gram of smack for free, what ARE the chances man? You text the nigi... and guess what does the motherfucker actually say? The cunt actually says yes cause he's in a fucking 'good mood today?'...
Your whole body and mind turns to jelly cause he shudve said 'NO!', now you are out of control cause everything is shouting and screaming DON'T GO! Yet there is this teeny-tiny wee little ray of lite that picks you up and says: mission; ahoi! Conveniently forgetting all the hard work and arguements with yourself that you are about to destroy. Your mind is made up and your course is alredy set; and your other 99.9% percent is already singing ballads of hardship, pain, gutters and regret...
As you are missioning, 'no and don't go' are the words vicouisly minceing and mauling through your head the most. All the memories of addiction; pain, living in hell and hating every second of your life for years on end...Merely a faint ghost. How can this be logical or make sense in any fucking way? Why would you gamble with everything you have just a quick game of russian roulette to play? You were hiding the fact well that that you've already lost your ming very long ago! But fuck; if you are gonna continue going on like this it's really gonna start to show...

'Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most' - Ozzy Obourne

Emergency 9/11

How many times has the fucking H hit me down to the ground, it's actually worste than what it sounds. Mopping the floor with your face and you see getting knocked down as a disgrace? Atleast you don't give up fighting - it sorta like not being able to stop writing...
Going on forever and a day, wishing your fucking addiction would just go away? Fucking dumbass: do u really think thats gonna work? Its eathr gonna make u crazy or go bezerk!! yes every day of your fucking life, going thru all this shit and strife...
So youll just have to keep fighting, like this always and forever sitting and writing, you cant stop and never should: u must fight this till ur last breath if you could. Never give up on trying to come clean but NEVER EVER forget where you've been...

'I chose not too choose life. And the reason? Who needs reasons when you have heroin?'
Trainspotting

Soooo?

Sure as hell know where you've been - all the crazy & fucked up shit i've seen. Whetht or not i think it left a scar? I dont know but is sure as hell took me far, into all the wrong holes and spaces; the weirdest and utmost fucked up places. I mean if i walk in and feel uncomfortable somewhere then you must know there is some fucked up shit going on there!

'im a loser baby so why don't you kill me.'
Beck - Loser

Return to yourself

You've never ever been far enough away from innnocense to even know that there is such a thing as wanring to return to it. Your life has been in a bubble for so long that im afraid you might not be able to function outside of it - and thats a scary thought, i cant or wont pity anyone for ignorance but ill never support them either. Your whole future has been shaped and moulded according to sumone elses logic and desires. What the FUCK?!?!!!??

'that would be the return to yourself, the return to innocence'
Enigma - Return to innocence

Monday, 5 March 2012

Broken heart

Just one of those fucking parts of life that's hell and how you deal with it only time will tell. Im not saying it gets easier cause fuck me it does not change - different places, same fucking pains. Everytime you let yourself get closer to someone, they hurt you and you want to run...
But for some stupid fucking reason you stay and you actually believe that time will take this away. Why do we punish ourselves like that - is the moment of pleasure really worth the pain, driving into your head nearly causing you to go fucking insane. Or is the insanity worth the pleasure you get, or maybe its the loneliness u dread?

'Here I am, I'm in the wrong bed again, It's a game I just can't win. There you are breathin' soft on my skin, Still you won't let me in
Why save your kisses for a rainy day, Baby let the moment take your heart away.

Have you ever needed someone so bad, Have you ever wanted someone You just couldn't have, have you ever needed someone so bad'

Def Leppard - Have you ever needed someone so bad

Dubidubidubidooo

Always fucking sitting and thinking but about what? Making empty promises about quitting whilst watching yourself rot. From the inside out or from the outside in when the fuck are you gonna begin, to sort your fucking life out and then getting to the top is what is about.

Cudve, shudve

So many different chioces i shudve made, so many different out comes u cudve reached, will you evr know what the right end to your story was supposed 2 b. Not understanding the intricasy of every good or bad choice youve made. From coosing 2 b a hermit, choosing 2 let sum1 in, choosing 2 get hurt - over and over again yet not understanding why, when & where everything fucked up? Yet you were the master of your own fucking misery, you handbuilt this hell you are currently in just by making mre & mre bad fucking choices so u can break down this prison tht u built for yourself but if like me you are the fucking man, the king of lies & the master manipulator, then you hve shit cause breaking down a prison of your own making -wht the fuck?

Saturday, 3 March 2012

The end

So intense is this pain that life inflicts you on a daily basis, emotionally fucked up yet you're always putting on all these happy little faces, so fucking harsh this emotional burden u bear, it makes me think of hanging myself so much it gives me quite the scare; all this shit will be gone in one single second of time - could wanting to end all this suffering really be such a fucking crime?
Herion was my friend, heroin was my end. Fucked me over i in ways a million and one, and i used to think this was fun; now all i wanna do is sit in a corner and die. To the 1 or 2 people i hurt due to losing my lifes zest: its nothing personal, i really did, i tried my best....
I promise u that its nothing anyone did - i was just sick of other people and the worlds shit. I dont hope this means that life won, i wont see that on as too much fun? Maybe i shit stand up out of this heap of shit and maybe fight back another bit?

'Look on the bright side is suicide' Nirvana - Millk it

Friday, 2 March 2012

Love is?

Its with quite the speed that it goes from talks about getting married and always being together, always saying that this isn't just a here and now thing but so much bigger; like truly forever and ever. Please never ever leave me or even think about breaking my heart, dont worry my angel: i wont be able to cause i dont wanna rip myself to shreds and completely apart ...
I won't be able to fuction or even wanna live without you in my life, don't you worry about a thing babes: im planning onn making you my wife. Promise? No i mean like pinky swear? Ofcorse my angel and sealed with a kiss on both pinkies to show how much i really care. Having somethimg amazing to work towards, really get ahead and just go for! And then the next moment with your heart they are busy mopping the fucking floor...
Agony in ways that no one thats' ever truly loved or been loved before will never understand, and you just forgetting about the one you love is all that they demand. How is it possible to love someome so much one today, and then tomorrow it just goes away? Then they're perfectly alrite and your stuck with the pain; its enough to drive anyone insane...

'im all out of love, im so lost without you' - Air Supply