Friday, 24 June 2011

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A piece of art in the making, the dead crust around my black heart breaking, reminiscing on distant, far away and fractured memories consisting mainly of haze, yet the clear ones always make you reflect on the bad days, your whole gutter-mentality you need to change, every single detail in your life you need to rearrange, its really just too many big fucking choices to make, but then there is the plus point of so much less in life you need to fake, you really have to turn all of it around, and start to get both your feet firmly on the bloody ground, understand and grow from all the death and hellish dark holes where you've been, comprehend and learn from all the blinding light you've seen.
Coming back from a long 16 year journey in the dark, for the first time ever you only need to be a survivor and not a shark, so which is the right road to take from here, what is it that your heart truly has to fear? Is it all the precious time you have to spend, to let this shattered and splintered heart of yours mend - beaten, broken and bruised in a million and one different ways, yet to fix it you have to go really deep into your yesterdays - And that's really the one place you never again want to be caught - cause to shake it off and leave it behind is for years the only thing you sought, now that is a perfect case of a situation called a catch twenty-two and with yourself you can reason and fight until you are fucking blue. Because that sequence of moments can to your sanity be overpowering and as a result it will feel to you like a part of yourself you are devouring...
How many doors can one person slam shut in their own face, for how fucking long can someone actually be to themselves a disgrace? If u think about it - how low do u think you can actually sink, I can promise you its much lower than u could even start to think, all your morals and values will b tested and put on trial and if you don't have strength of character you will fail with a fucking style. You'll be so fucking surprised at how far you yourself can misplace and at the end of the day you'll find yourself in a extremely shimmy and hellish place. Its sort of like a zombie strolling through hell and how strong you are - only time will tell. So what the fuck is there left for you to do, I can promise you that you never realized that this is how hard yourself you can screw. Every day from morning to night, u have to be crazy to think that living like this is right, after stumbling and falling around in this self created, designed, created and styled personal hell, regretting and reminiscing on every single time u got up and after a huge fucking struggle again fell, how much guarantee do u have that this time you'll actually keep on standing, do u have the energy and focus that this process is demanding?

' Time alone - oh, time will tell:
Think you're in heaven, but ya living in hell' - Bob Marley

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