Thursday, 6 September 2012

Dont know, stil dont know, not a clue

From needles to foil, my own fun im trying to spoil. I have to move further away from this numbing out, have to see what lifes really about. Take my blinkers off or maybe put them back on, not wanting to see everything that is really wrong. Or maybe i should start focussing on all the shit and that will be a different way of sorting it. Am i really moving away or am i just bullshitting myself around every turn? I dont know, burn baby burn...
Havent touched a needle in two days but my smack intake has doubled, reality bust, broken, shattered and sanity wobbled. Every day my common sense is shouting and screaming 'NO!' yet this addicted part of me is just ignoring it and on a mission it will go. Powerless is what it makes me feel, big chunks of my life does it steal, bit by bit eating away of what is truly me and every now and then light at the end of the tunnel can i see. Yet the light at the end of the tunnel is dissapearing fast, what the fuck can i do to make it last???
Just letting go is easier said than done and the cold turkey part is in no way fun. I think its the fear of the unknown thats pulling me back, constantly making me fall down into this crack. Apparently baby steps is the proper way, taking it hour for hour and day by day. Theres no textbook way of dealing with this shit, everyone has his own way - his own fit. All u know is i have to get away from cooking up my hit and downgrading back to chasing this shit...

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."


Gloria Steinem

3 comments:

  1. I like your story and your quote.You look fresh and all wakened up!I bet you just shampooed your hair?

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  2. No needle for two days? Awesome. (:

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  3. Thanx for the compliment altho its actually not me at my freshest - thats after nodding for a couple of hours & there is wax in my hair cause im dreadding it. Amazing day

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