Friday, 28 September 2012
After 18years of full blown fucking addiction, arrested a couple of times fortunately not one conviction. Mandrax, grass, alcohol, schnarf, party-drugs, meth and crack; then for the last 10years i was so far lost in the arms of my big love: smack. Upping, downing, smoking, shooting and chasing, constantly mixing or one love with the other replacing. From expensive 5star relapse-centres to goverment rehabs-slash-holes, groups, social workers, psyciatrists and here and there a shrink, all these people and places have one thing in common: they tell you what to think...
Constantly telling you how far gone, lost, fucked up and addicted you are, and its that way of thinking and reasoning that always re-opens and festers the fucking scar. The whole message they send to you is based and built on negativity. And its due to all that unnessacary shit the truth you cannot see. In this dark cloud you are always walking and this 'thing' inside you forever will you fear and about it you are constantly reminded, and due to all these negative thoughts thats constantly implanted from the truth you are blinded. Your thoughts, feelings and fears literally create your whole reality: Once you realize and understand that then out of this prison you placed your mind in you can finally break free. Take back a life that has been yours all along, your not powerless to your addiction - thats what they want you to think but that whole fucking message is just so wrong!!!
The subject of this post is retirement cause thats what it is, if i post here again its probably gonna be 1 of the nearly 200 unedited posts that is saved under my drafts or on my laptop although ive looked at a couple of them and except for struggling to relate to them they knot my stomach and that negative thinking...i dont need now. Even just writing the 2nd half of this post wasnt cool but im busy constructing a new blog...
...cause if you can change the way you feel about yourself, your life and your world...ANYTHING is possible.
'This is the end, my only friend the end' (Actually its a brand new beginning)
The Doors - The End