time

So much freaking time has gone by
Since I've actually wanted to get high,
Yet every day this fucking routine I follow
And more and more of myself smack will swallow.
Everything going up in a huge ball of smoke
And yet I take it as a big fucking joke.
So much energy I waste-
On this bad fucking taste,
In my mouth all day long-
And even I know its wrong?
So much streng it takes this to hide,
Yet I go along for the ride.
Every day just wanting more and more,
Like a zombie going and going for the next score,
Constantly worrying that this heart will stop to beat
Not using causes cramps from my head till my feet
Always trying to numb out the pain
Constanly complaining- this shit drives me insane,
Losing my mind bit by bit every day,
Sometimes getting so desperate I start to pray.
So when will a wake up call come to me,
Or has it been reaccuring and im to blind to see.
Just going on and fucking all,
Just using doing this shit to avoid the withdrawal?


' Sugar man, won't you hurry
'Cos I'm tired of these scenes
For a blue coin won't you bring back
All those colours to my dreams
Silver magic ships you carry
Jumpers, coke, sweet Mary Jane'

Sugar man- rodriguez

foweeep

Seeing the positive side of all this crap,
Yet feeling sometimes I'm still in need of a huge slap, then maybe I could get over myself for once,
Maybe like a normal person enjoy something like a simple lunch? Not having to rush just to get the next score, and then making a realization-in life there is more, so what is all this complaining about? For once just let it go-scream and shout.
Free yourself from all this hate and shit, and maybe u can start to enjoy life just a little bit, forget about the frustration and pain, realize there is more in life to gain, focus on the truth and forget about all the lies, then you'll even be able to stop all these powerless cries. Eventually you'll dig yourself out and start seeing the light but I don't think even time will win this fight. These painful scars will always follow you around, as sick, twisted and fucked up as it may sound. It makes sense why so many people can't actually stop and catch on this shit till they eventually drop.


' When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life,well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong.'

Everybody hurts - REM

Another crummy poem

Floating and falling into this sea of doubt, understanding what the fuck but not knowing what its about, in ecstacy 4 days a week & the other 3 just being plain bleek, always wrong yet always being right, not just accepting my fate without putting up a fight, from where im standing I can see everything crystal clear, yet not understanding the origin of this fear, going and going forward with breakneck speeds, just not being able to get rid of these annoying needs, that are holding me back in ways you won't understand, what the fuck is it from myself I demand? One day ill know what the fuck is the meaning, one day ill get it out without all the screaming, but when is this day I ask of you? and untill then what the fuck else can I do? Afraid of normality in very obscure ways, you will notice it in my out of line displays, always making noise louder than everyone, going through life always pretending to have more fun, always making jokes and laughing the loudest, pissing on and ripping off those that are the proudest. Hiding my habits and scars extremely well, that those who know me can't even tell. What the fuck?? Ill need more than luck...


I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die

and I want you

you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me

take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

The perfect drug-NIN

4 5 6-subjkts

Waiting for the dealer to come along,
Writing my happy little song,
Stoopid and crazy as may be?
I dunno just wait and see!
Soon ill be forgetting about-don't know what?
One thing I know is I'm helping my teeth rot,
Slowly every day more and more,
That won't stop me-I have to score.
To numb out this illusion reality tends to create,
Boy ain't the life of a junkie great.
So what the moral of this fucking story?
Drugs kills what life makes gory?
Actually ill never know let alone care,
All I know is turns most of this life into a scare,
Most of the times you're hardly there,
And it feels like your mind starts to tear,
At everything you constantly glare,
Is this not a nice burden to bear?
Fuck-maybe I should start to care...


'So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters'


Nothing else matters-Metallica

moulding

So much power being lost every fucking day,
All this positive energy being thrown away,
Every morning sighing-fuck me, again?,
Every night promising to stop-Really? But when?
Break of day and once again you feel like shit,
Shouting at yourself-this is it!
As the day progresses your strength gets less
And you make yourself feel better by saying you tried your best,
not really understanding what does 'your best' actually mean,
strong or weak-in which direction do you lean?
Knowing your strength-just not knowing how should be used,
Sick and tired of being sick and tired equals really not being amused.
So what the fuck is it with me constantly writing this crap,
I suppose its better than opening my trap?


' Me, my thoughts are flower strewn
Ocean storm, bayberry moon
I have got to leave to find my way
Watch the road and memorize
This life that pass before my eyes
Nothing is going my way'

Find the river-REM

tcejbus

This is no fucking way to go through life-always craving,
This is no way to go through the world-always misbehaving,
Every morning waking up at four
Every morning whining your sleep could be more
How many times can you be depressed in one day?
How many more times times can you wish it away?
So ho many white lies can you tell,
Not even mentioning all the times you have fell,
But hey-one day im definitely gonna get it right,
For a last time put up a huge fucking fight,
The good thing is all the character and strenght you gain,
Going hand and hand with all the persnality disorders and strain, to that battle every drop of energy i'll have to add,
And I know for a fact its gonna be bad,
But hey-what the fuck else is there to do,
Sit down and go-boo hoo!
Not me, not a fuck,
Too much already the life of a smackhead really suck...


you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.
i just want something i can never have.
in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.

i just want something i can never have

Something I can never have-NIN

Heart?

So many threats of you heart stopping beating,
So fucking worried that you changed your way of eating?
Started out not giving a fuck what you eat,
Then suddenly you gave up meat,
Why?because its not good for you?
No because you feel so powerless you don't know what else to do, creating a perfectly costructed lie you live every day, trying to hide the bad and wishing it would just go away,
Every bit as powerless as you feel, and I can promise you it is real, so lost in every fucking way,shape and form, fearing and hating everything about the norm. Health feels like its hanging on a single thread, fortunately you're not gone-not yet. So how far lost can one person be, just get hooked to smack and you'll see, or rather not and just take the word of a junkie, or don't-and on your back you'll end up with a monkey, that won't easily get off-not without adding to your life a lot of pain and if you don't have a lot of strenght you might just end up insane..

Never care, always there.

I don't think you will ever know,
How inside you this disease can grow
and blow up in all different proportions
Whilst leaving millions of fucked up distortions,
Abstracting your mind in all different ways,
Leaving the marks of wasted emotional displays,
Every thought you have and hold,
Reminds and reflects on lies you've told,
Or older ladies for money to screw,
Hey! I was young-what to do?
One day ill make amends for all that crap,
But until the my conscience won't be a trap,
I won't let it dominate my every step of the way,
Cause ill sort it out-some day.
Until then I won't make the same mistake,
And be more careful in what activities I partake.
So why am I moaning and going on
And where does this sudden conscience blast come from?
I dunno, I dunno, I dunno-don't care,
But maybe I could or should beware,
Or just pretend not to give a fuck,
Cause tomorrow once again ill have better luck-
Or let me rephrase my good luck will return,
And forget about the fact that for all my sins I will burn...


Was it a huntsman or a player
That made you pay the cost
That now assumes relaxed positions
And prostitutes your loss?
Were you tortured by your own thirst
In those pleasures that you seek
That made you Tom the curious
That makes you James the weak?

Crucify your mind-Rodriguez

Moc.reggolb@og

How much of your wretched life can there actually be left,
When from noon to night you think about your death.
Dreaming about it morning and night,
Anytimes cool,even now is alright
Fantasizing in so many different ways-
You see the end result your just not sure about the plays.
The most fucked up part is it's not bothering me at all-
Rather that than going through another case of withdrawal.
Sad and fucked up as it might sound,
It sound much easier than coming around.
Being more worried about the couple of people left behind,
Can this fucking white powder make you so amazingly blind-
To everything in this world:good and pure?
There's not much of that left-rather focus on finding a cure.
Optimistic people will say shit like-there is always hope,
Maybe you'll feel that way if you had enough dope to smoke
Case from where I'm standing I can't seem to see,
Where all the hope could actually be.
So forget about that and focus on'just for today'
Fuck off and stop being so cliché...
With undertones of smack on my breath every day,
How easy would it be to make all this shit go away?


I am buried up to my neck in
Contradictionary lies
I take pride as the kind of illiterature
I'm very ape and very nice

If you ever need anything please don't hesitate
to ask someone else first
I'm too busy acting like I'm not naive.
I've seen it all I was here first

Very ape-NIRVANA

Good news?

Whenever I get to subject I usually lose the plot,
Is it for a reason-or is it not?
How much more of this plot losing can I go through,
What the fuck else is there left to do?
Stupid fucking poems always running through my mind,
And yes I have the audacity to think I am one of a kind?
Never understanding what it is all about,
All there is left to do is to fucking shout.
What the fuck is going on in my head,
Lots of sad thoughts-pretending to be happy instead.
Always trying hide this disease that's riding me so hard-
Will I ever be able to discard?
Always nodding, eyes rolling to the back of my head-
Rain or shine this craving has to be fed,
Money, possessions whatever the cost-
Just try to make sure you as a person or your morals don't get lost, one bad choice quickly leads to an even worse one,
And before you even notice-your self-respect is gone.


'Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit tonight'

Breaking the habit-linkin Park