Friday, 23 December 2011

??

Personal opinion? Is it fucked up or funny, cause everything else seems dead after you've tasted the very sweetest honey. Everything in this life feels mind-numbing and mundane and afterwards there's not much left that actually stimulates your brain. For 10 long hard grueling & suicidal years heroin was priority number 1 and now without it, it feels like your really never ever again gonna have any fun. These fucking stretches of boredom that words alone cannot explain, overwhelming mentally and in your ass they cause a huge fucking pain. It just doesn't feel like its possible from
this heroin hell to escape. And after that its the biggest fucking mission ever just to get your passion to reawake. Every little thing in your misery stricken life looks so dull and boring and then you sleep so lightly that you even get woken by your fucking neighbors snoring. Any and every small little thing will cause you to derail...but at least your food no longer tastes stale. Once again, your sense of taste decided on returning so look on the bright side and don't worry about everything else in your life that's busy burning. How do you actually this sanity maintain? I suppose its like those days when you can't seem to find a vein, 50 holes later and you're still going strong and in this scenario trying again is definitely not wrong. Weird how far and wide you'll mission to go and score and how quickly you'll jump up to get some more. But all that energy and effort you can't put into your own recovery? I mean this has been one hectic roller coaster ride of self discovery. I got to know myself in and on more levels than just one and while I was learning; most of the times it was really loads and loads of fun. So it hasn't all been completely negative or dare I not that say? And then I'm still one of the lucky ones who get to live another day...

'I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.' - Kurt Cobain

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