Friday, 23 December 2011

damaged

Everything got to the point where it started looking all rosy and sweet, then by one stupid fucking choice once again you are standing on the border of defeat, going from a point where the whole world was your playground, nothing could get u down - not a chance of being beat: cocky as it may sound. You feel like you are floating through the air, in the world you don't have one worry or care...
Experiencing every moment for the the true beauty it holds, in every second of life a new lesson unfolds, happiness flowing through all your veins, not even focussing on past problems and pains. Food tastes sweeter and colors are brighter, and for once in your life you're a lover and not a fighter ...
Hard to describe the transformation happening infant of your eyes, so refreshing to be yourself - not having to wear a disguise. And then a very curious evil will start taking place, all of a sudden you'll start feeling weird and uncomfortable with this positive future showing its face? Then after you count your blessing and pat yourself on the back for being so strong. Then the next fucking moment something drastically goes wrong...
What inside you actually makes the choice to want to throw it all away, why would you gamble with your sobriety cause that's no game to play? Why would you want to throw away everything you fought so hard to regain, to any normal person that's just the definition of being outright and completely insane. Just as everything in your life starts coming together again, just as you get to the crawl out this hole and see the light - AMEN! And that is usually when you give yourself this huge kick in the balls - yes AGAIN!
All the strength and will-power you built over the last couple of months: gone. The new line of people waiting 4 money owed to them: long
The realization that everything, your whole life hangs in the balance like an old scale, knowing the damage it will cause in your life if this evil was to prevail. Everything good and pure in the blink of an eye could go away and yet something inside you chooses this deadly game of Russian-roulette to play...
I suppose something in your head needs to be rewired and whoever manages your common sense needs to be fired. Why would anyone actually be stupid enough to throw all that is good in their life away? Then invite everything that's bad, wrong and fucked up back into your life again to stay? How the fuck does that in any way logically balance out? Do you actually realize with what the fuck you are messing about...?
Yet it is as if when that weakness catches u off guard completely, it bullshits it's way into your head discreetly, then within a second you forget all that is good in your life and all the pain it can cause, not even for one second to think do u pause. Diving directly into this deep dark hole you know and cherish so well and if your gonna make it this time? Only time will tell...


"I'm the one that's gonna die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."
- Jimi Hendrix, If 6 Was 9

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