How much more pain, suffering, misery and destruction will you inflict on yourself in this one big blur that was supposed to be your whole life up to till this point in time. A complete hurricane of events that started fucking out the moment you made that first horribly bad choice that spiraled, snowballed, derailed and fucked up everyone and everything in its path. So out of control does this series of bad choices you made get, that at the end of it all you don't know if you should cry, shout and scream and hit the fucking walls because of everyone and everything you've lost along the way or if you should jump up and rejoice over the mere fact that you are still alive, your morals are intact and you know exactly who you are and what you are made of...
'How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go'
Father and son - Cat Stevens