Saturday, 20 August 2011

Bad choices ????????

If u look at this in a completely logical way, your whole life may be a balance but still everything hangs on a single fucking worn out up to shit piece of thread. And by making the wrong fucking choice one day, everything that's good and pure in your life will be gone and you'll b stone-cold dead. How do u tiptoe around this choice for the rest of your sober days. I mean this motherfucker can jump up and bite you in a million different fucking ways:
some mornings you wake up and before you can even open your eyes; you are craving and anxious, good-fucking-morning, surprise!
Don't even think about taking your meds today...
You've lost this round and now its my turn to be in charge and play....
Now this usually happens when least expected, I can promise you that you didn't even in any way have to feel or get rejected. Your mind with itself start playing this psychological game - he's the best opponent you'll ever face and will turn you to shame. He will still make you believe that you are winning and just as you relax and ease off that's just the beginning:
It will feel like you've won but you are still sitting in the trash and all of a sudden magically you are counting all your cash, you'll do the math and understand that everything that's good in your life with this single bad choice you can lose and yet your mind on all of this logic conveniently pushes a button that says snooze...
Busy talking to someone and in the middle of a sentence you pause to think and then then all of a sudden; in a single moment you are on the brink. No trigger not even the teeniest or slightest warning just a huge fucking craving at 10 in the morning - that much you know as well as understand but can you really keep up with what staying sober of you does demand? This monkey on your back is always two steps ahead and when he gets in the way then about staying sober you can forget:
Quickly jumping on top of you with his missions demand, fuck bru - I don't even have cash on hand?!? Don't worry about the details my man, you and I together will always make a fucking plan....
So as you can see fighting doesn't work and forgetting about it will only cause it in the shadows to lurk, taking it slowly - baby steps and day by day, hopefully sometime this mentality of yours will go away. When? Fuck bru! I don't know but every step you take further away from it will show. When you are down and out the promises to never use again is easy to make but the moment things are starting to look up that promise is sooo much easier to break...
Quickly man! Just one for old times sake, you've been high & dry for too long now and we deserve a break. Yes, I promise you its just gonna be one hit.....? Here comes another wild ride that's once again gonna end in big shit!!!


"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
— Albert Einstein

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