Thursday, 9 August 2012

Always Subject,subject...subject...!!!

One moment youre ontop of the world - not one worry or one single care, as your mind goes silent and into nowhere you start to stare. In that single second of serenity your alter-ego starts whispering in your ear, reminding you of everything you have to do to get your life back into gear. Seeing youre clean except for being confused as fuck and anxious your emotions are hectically amplified; and then that glimpse of the future looks too fucking much and you start getting terrified. round about now the wheels in your head really starts turning, not to mention how the fucking cash in your pocket starts burning...
This is where it comes to the point of make or break, sometimes quickly but othertimes it takes a long time for you this decision to make. Take some meds, roll a fatty, walking up and down, sitting temples between my knees rocking, and every bit of effort i put in my other self throws in 5cents worth of mocking. 'Why the fuck are you sitting here wasting energy fighting?' and then 'you know that just now youre gonna jump up here and get ready for a mission with the speed of lightning'...
In this situation i really am my own worst fucking enemy. Yip, thats right: no triggers or people influencing me badly, nope, its all me. And that when you think about it its a fuckup deluxe, fuck me sideways that dilemma really sux. After a good 3 hours of fighting with yourself that felt more like a fucking year, you finally get overwhelmed by allthese fucked up emotions dominted and driven by fear. When you finally jump up there at the speed of light, thats when you officially lost your bloody flight...


"Even as a junkie I stayed true [to vegetarianism] - 'I shall have heroin, but I shan't have a hamburger.' What a sexy little paradox."

Russell Brand

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