Sunday, 12 August 2012

And yet another W T F ???

Completely confused, not at all amuzed, bored out of my fucking mind, no way to unwind. Only thing on my mind is that bitch thing called smack, so much it took that ill never get back. Fighting just to get my head above water for a quick breath, then being pulled deep down to what others usually see as a sure and certain death. No lifeline, no support just my own strenght and power, brick for brick is crumbling what used to be a strong tall tower...
Dont know what the fuck im thinking, to keep sane hands and hands full of pills im drinking. Groups, clinics, social workers and here and there the odd shrink, all just to figure out what the fuck it is that i actually think. Nowhere closer to what the fuck is up, thoughts and dreams completely corrupt. Have to figure it out and pull through. For fuck sakes! I really need to figure out what to do...
This boredom nothing kills, it literally feels as though my head it drills. After you get to slam on the break then your strenght of character will decide whether this you will make. Taking baby steps and doing it day by day, literally wishing days of your life away. Its no fucking way to live not even to mention move on; why the fuck cant i just make it past day one. Well lets see what this time im gonna get right and do, a thousand and one promises ive already made just that again myself i wont screw...

'Reality is just a crutch for people who cant handle drugs'

Robin P Williams

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