Friday, 10 August 2012

Another Unknown

Its funny to think how much money youd be saving if you could just stop feeding this stupid constant fucking craving. You dont even take note of the thousands youve spent - not even to mention all the things youve sold, pawned and all the bloody money youve lent. Every single cent of it literally went up in smoke and im not talking figuritively, trying to be cliche or making some lame-ass joke. And its got absolutely fuckall to do with whether you are in the mood for using or not, it just grabs you by the short and curlies and intimidatingly whispers: 'feed me you little fuucking snot': 'I am the one who is in charge here', and with arrogance that can be said cause you know how badly going cold turkey you fear...
Your whole life is literally one huge race against the clock, when youre short of cash or the dealer is taking his sweet fucking time all you can think is : tick-tock, tick-tock. Because you have this fear shadowing you 24/7 always and everywhere; now you dont have gear so much quicker does the early sighns of clucking appear and thats a different burden to bare. A layer of sweat covering your back and face accomponied by these chills running through your body leaving you freezing. Anxiey pouring out of you, hectically upset stomach, your legs feel like lead and then theres still the hectic sequences of sneezing...
From head to toe your whole body feels completely out of sync. Freezing and or sweating - it just depends on whether its something hot or cold you drink. After a million and one phonecalls youve made to figure out how long this fucking 10 minutes is actually gonna be; in this time if you could think straight then how badly addicted you are you could actually see. No longer can or do you want to feel this fucking way and just to feel normal any amount of money youll pay. Its such a complete, total and utter freaking waste, youll pay anything and afterwards all you are left with is being pissed at yourself, blood on your clothing and in your mouth a horrible fucking taste...

"I was more addicted to self destruction then to the drugs themselves ... something very romantic about it"

Gerard Way

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