'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds' -
Bob Marley - Redemption song
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Everything is fucked again...or is that 'still'?
Gumlines recieding, organs fell as if they're bleeding, a whole life layed to waste, and at the end of the day all you were after is a horrible fucking taste, at first it puts you in a vommiting-dreamstate face first flat on the floor but now the only thing it causes is a huge fucking 'need for more'. Your whole god damn life is destroyed, everyone and everything around you is so pissed and annoyed. It used to be this warm cloud you were protected in; now its the destroyer and the root of all your lifes sin. And you really start to doubt if you have what it will take to turn your life around? And thats even more fucked up and much scarier than what it could ever sound. Other drugs are cravings and feelings of want, but not my best friend and worse enemy the little cunt. In that way heroin stand out way above the rest: cause if you're used to an early morning fix and dont get it youll make it to lunchtime at best. Shivering and freezing yet you've got sweat covering and running down your back, you feel fucked, confused and paranoid as if youre coming down from a nice binge of crack. Your legs they weigh a ton and the motherfuckers are aching, out of breath and you can't move very fast cause you're scared of them breaking. Nothing you force down your throat will for very long in your stomach last, itll come up with an added extra of foul tasting bile very fast, and you have to run to the shitter more than just once in a while. After a while your so out of it that on the toilet you just stay - heroin makes you feel like this and its the only thing that can take it away. I promise you that your in so much pain you cant even move and then when you get cash then all of a sudden you are up and back in the groove. You'll go and score with a lot of effort and pain, 'everyone knows, everyones watching' - paranoid and borderline insane. You finally make it home and take your fucking hit. Why? To feel normal and to be able to function and that's about it. This bitch of a drug fucks you up a million to one. Fucking weird and amazing to think for a while that this burden actually used to be fun?
'i dont know how i got this way, i know its not alright'