I, Idiot!

Its just so fucked up cause it feels like im hard-wired to fuck out, im really so hard trying to figure this one out, its really as if breaking loose is in my reach but maybe another lesson life is trying for me to teach. Cause i mean why the fuck is it so difficult to let go of this shit, ive had a lot of tests in my life but i promise you that this heroin addiction, this is IT...
Why would the fuck would you run back to something that this week you spent all your energy getting away from? Why do you go and score when you absolutely and certainly know its so fucking wrong. There is literally fuckall in this flat to eat but in the last two days the cash wasted on smack would've made it able for two people for a week to feed. And now im pasing up and down cursing myself and constantly calling myself a big cunt, questioning my fucking sanity aswell wondering do i really know what i want...
Tomorrow is gonna be so much fucking harder to choose and choose right, i can promise you that this demon in my head is gonna put up a huge fucking fight. Im already feeling the anxiety in my stomach just thinking about it. Tomorrow is make or break day and there is no if's or but's or any of that other junkie-mentality bullshit. Now i really have to completely let go forever and a day and there is fuckall else on that topic left to say...

John Derek in knock on any door - "I wanna live fast, dieyoung and leave a beautiful corpse."