Sunday, 8 April 2012

Happy easter

From being 100% clean and my life was just starting to pick up, then the shit hits the fan and then once again im completely fucked. I was getting fit and getting in shape, but noooo! That fucking one hit i had to take. Why would i do such a stupid fucking thing? Did i think that this time round different results it would bring?...
By now i already know that each and every relapse is just more and more insane, and then theres so much more numbing to do when you fuck out again. When you realise that you are nearly excactly where you were a year ago, and now you just have so much less for it to show. So much more to of your life to pick up that it is actually crazy but you cant complain; it feels like it would be easier just to take a shotgun and surgically remove your brain...
God dammit im so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired! and it just so much worse than what it was when i constantly used to be wired. Its such a mission just to get out of bed and that before sunrise, when you're at work time goes backwards but the 3 hours u have for yourself? That flies. About all this shit im always dazed and confused, then im still far gone and completely lost and about that im really not amuzed.

'A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?'
Albert Einstein

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