Thursday, 21 June 2012

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Every single fuckup i make, so much joy out of my life it does take, everything i touch used to turn to gold but i guess that talent for heroin i probabily also swopped or sold. But i mean its never to late to make a fresh start, all you need is want, motivation and a strong heart. Fuck theres always the fucking slipping and falling, thats usually when you conviniently forget about the mysery of withdrawing...
To fall back in there is always a way BUT it depends on what game you choose to play. Get busy living or get busy dying, and if you choose dying you might sit with a bunch of loved ones over you mourning and crying. You really have to be sooo fucking stong and gaining this strenght takes fucking long. 18 years of adiiction it took me, my real and true self to see...
Now what am i gonna do with this four days clean, it doesnt sound a lot but to sumeone whos been a heroin addict it might sound like a fucking lifes dream. No clinics just, locked up in my flat on my own with a lot of meds and alotta weed, something that in that situation you really need. All just to take the edge away and also its stops you from suicide thought and games of russian roulette you start to play. Just when my head starts clearing i get a lot of pain and remorse, duh! You dumbfuck dickhead youre starting to exparience the pains of life so ofcourse...

'I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. Don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow, just caught in theundertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you'

Linkin Park - Numb

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