Saturday, 30 June 2012

Rehab

Going to rehab again at months end. Fith or sixth one - sooo fucking happy am i or rather: i'll try to pretend? I really hope its different this time round? But aleast for a month ill be out of harms way, safe and sound. Things are so much easier between those walls, its also so much fucking harder to hear it when your name the smack so intisingly calls. Safety net below and casually waltzing around in this purple cloud all round; medication and nurses on call so you really feel so protected, safe and sound. Room cleaned, bed getting made and getting fed whenever you are hungry and thats it; cause when you are detoxing and fucking sick you really dont have time, strenght or energy for any of that shit...
Cause at the begining you stuff your face and literally devour everything, doesnt matter how much you eat not enough sustenance does it bring. Yet you have fuckall appetite whatsoever when you are going through withdrawel, you are constantly nausious and vomitting but cant stop eating so dont worry - to me it doesnt make any sense either at all. Trying to keep your food down with the little bit of strenght you can spare, cause if you dont look after yourself about you no one else will care. Its the small details in a clinic that gives you reason not to want to run away, little things like having your room cleaned, your bed made and all the strong medication that actually makes it fun to stay...
Sorta like a 5 star hotel with a license to medicate, if it wasnt for the fact that you are detoxing you could actually consider your stay as fucking great! Ok, dont misunderdtand me in any way, cause here im talking about a private clinic stay. In the other side of the spectrum ive been aswell, the either being locked into your flat for a week or the state subsadised rehabs thats very close to hell. And those motherfucking places really suck, thank god this time on my side i have some luck...

'I didn't get a lot in class but I know it don't come in a shot glass. They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'. Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know. I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine. He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go'

Amy Winehouse - Rehab

No comments:

Post a Comment