Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Fuckup deluxe

From being 100% clean to shooting up again in a fucking week max, now is the fucking time for me to sort my fucking head out and pause, stop and relax. The worst feeling of defeat youll ever taste, all this energy it takes to come clean; what a fucking waste. But why the fuck would i want to fall back into that routine: cause a couple of the few unhappy endings for this story youve experienced and even seen. Yet without even giving a single thought about it? Spick, spoon, strap, water and youre cooking that shit...
The only feeling you get in anyways is this huge fucking feeling of regret, not even considering all the shit it causes, the double life and all the fucking bad debt. Sinking lower and lower as every second goes by, god when your hooked on this shit does time not fly. After you blink just before you open your eyes, you are in for a huge motherfucking surprise. Quick, quick and once again youve completely fucked out, all you want to do is kick your own ass, call yourself a cunt, scream and shout...
But at the end of the day waht good would that do, youre the one that yourself did screw. You are the one that made the bad choice. Fuck! The other day you were just celebrating and jumping with joy cause of rejoice. I suppose you can only start celebrating the day you die, not possible but thats when there is only one or two people who will sit and cry. But they shouldnt, cause finally this battle of yours is over and done. And only after youve died this battle youve won...

'What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know, goes away in the end. You could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt'

NIN - Hurt

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    You are a very creative and inspired writer. I can't imagine what it's like to be addicted to heroin but I have seen the heavy burden my son carries and I would not wish that on anyone. Hoping this day finds you well. Good luck in your journey!