Thursday, 29 March 2012

Whoopi-fucking-doo!

One blog, 200 crummy poems later and its just fucking suicide thoughts, death and addiction? and the only thing its gotten me so far is sore thumbs and in my life A LOT of friction. The people in my life that is closest to me; they're the ones who i dont want my blog to see? Why? cause immediately afterwards it changes the way they look at me. From being everything thats good, humble and sincere to some twisted, confused junkie that they mistrust and fear...
Not the type of afraid like ill just jump up and kill you. but more worried that its them i want to screw. Steal every little thing i can lay my grubby little hands on; They dont even wanna look away from you for a second cause they're scared the dvd player might just magically be gone. Not even to mention what it did to my most amazing and perfect relationship? One of the crucial pieces of evience that completely turned it to shit...
I wonder if anyone actually understands what i say? Cause i dont even understand myself every fucking day. Most of the times wondering if i hav'nt lost my mind eons ago, other times pissed off cause ive been working so hard and for it I have nothing to show. See here i am again going on about shit thats in my power, i mean i can turn my life around by sticking to single choice that i can make at any hour...
You've made and stuck to it so many times before, why this time are you choosing the right thing to ignore? The whole time its on my mind and in my face, over and over i keep on repeating that even to myself im a disgrace. I have all the right resources to stop and never again use: why is is so fucking difficult to find a reason to live and then the right path to choose?

'Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?Come on, now, I hear you're feeling down. Well I can ease your pain. Get you on your feet again. Relax. I'll need some information first.Just the basic facts. Can you show me where it hurts?'
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

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