Saturday, 12 May 2012

Emptiness

Quite fucked up how something that used to make you feel so complete and in control has turned into something that makes you feel empty, lifeless, drains all your energy and it feels like its busy kiling your soul. Its fucking scary if you realise how badly this shit fucks up every aspect of your life and in every single way; and it just get worse and worse with every passing second of every single day. Just building more and more hate, anger and agression, and then as time progresses you get this added surprise: really hectic fucking depression. You fall deeper and deeper into it and it gets so bad you dont wanna get out of bed or leave your spot anymore, for the love of god if u have enough cash you'll stay in bed all day and just go outside cause you HAVE to go and score...
Take my word for it cause im living proof - i really know, of all the money ive inhereted: what do i have to show? Absolutely fuckall, nothing, zero not even a pair of socks. Cause all you do all day is stay at home completely ungroomed for days on end using H and smoking rocks. Trying to get rid of or numb out this deep, dark and morbid suicidal tendancies and depession that the addiction is causing, you know the cause and reason of all this negativity in your life but do you even concider pausing?...
For fuck sakes china you see and know how completely screwed and fucked up you are, yet you have the audacity to keep on scraching around in this huge festering scar. How badly do you really wanna fuck your life up and how many more times do you want to play this game of russian roulette? Cause if by now you cant see that every single time that the rage and depression builds and builds gets amplified and then just causes more fucking regret. Then you are really not the fucking genius you make yourself out to be you smartass fucking heroin junkie, sometimes it really feels like i have less fucking brains or common sense than a bloody monkey...

'With your feet in the air and your head on the ground. Try this trick and spin it, yeah. Your head will collapse. But there's nothing in it. And you'll ask yourself:
Where is my mind
Way out in the water. See it swimmin'

Pixies - Where is my mind

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