Friday, 11 May 2012

Somewhere between stupid and fucked up

Completely clueless as to what the fuck it is that im trying to achieve with all this crud? Always making plans for changing my life yet according to murphy there is always an: IF or a BUT. Your plans and preperation for going cold turkey is perfectly planned and worked out untill the finest detail; and here life comes, throws you a curveball, kicks out your feet under you and crash, bang, big explosion and off the tracks, and you completely derail. Rolling and falling deeper and deeper into the abyss, now youve got another problem cause on the one side this fuckup sort of feels like bliss...
Such a complete mixture of extreme emotion you are going through, you get to a point where jumping over a cliff feels like the best thing to do. Then atleast all this fucking shit would be over and done, cause constantly fighting heroin addiction is in no way at all fun. But then on the other side taking your own life cause you're accepting that you've been beat - come on you're not gonna let this addiction mean your end due to you accepting defeat...
You're really much fucking stronger and smarter than that my man. Ok? im not so sure about smarter but stronger: definately so Yes we can. Just bite the fucking bullet and go on with and start your life and forget about every single fear; and i mean not next week, tomorrow or later but now and here. You just have to get over it and be strong cause being addicted to this shit for another day is a years and years too long...

'Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.'

Jim Morrison

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you left me a comment. I can't say I "like" reading what its like to be addicted to heroin because how can anyone like something so cruel...but it helps me understand.

    Reading this I totally thought of my son and it felt like your words were his. I'll never know how it feels because I haven't experienced, but I think I understand it as much as a person who's never experienced it can.

    I actually have three young men in my life that I love dearly and watch them struggle year after year. Its painful to watch and a million times more painful to live through for them.

    I wish I had something important or helpful to say other than this, but I don't. I know its fucked up, I hate it.