Thursday, 10 May 2012

Week max

From being 100% clean, sober and once again just starting to build a new life, only to completely fuck it up again in a week max? Cause when it comes to recovering from heroin you constantly have to be focussed on it - dont even take one single second to relax. Cause if you get distracted by anything no matter how gigantic, important or even insignificantly small; if you let your guard down for one fucking second you are gonna fall. One moment of weakness and then once again for you its over and out; then you get sooo fucking pissed off and annoyed with yourself all you wanna do is punch yourself, scream and shout...
Cause its a known fact that everytime you fall its more painfull and so much bloody harder and the hole much deeper. And the picking yourself up part is much fucking harder while the sides of the hole: way more slippery and a whole lot steeper. Doing your best to move forward and not once again slip deeper and deeper into your smack addiction; cause to the limit of fucked up things you'll do to get your next fix there is not one single restriction. Dont get me wrong on this one cause your morals and values doesnt just mystically and magically dissapear - beneath this thick cloud of all this fucked up thoughts and morbitly mixed emotions they are hiding in the corner while for their lives they fear...
Cause if life starts grinding and hammering down on them till they start to crack, another shot or two, they break and after that there is no turning back. Something you may have considered a big sin like a complete no-no yesterday has now become a part of your average day? And just more and more fucked up you become as your life moves along; i NEED to get rid of the fucking root of all this wrong...

'All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.'

Walt Disney

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