Monday, 2 July 2012

Bloody arm

The sheer fucking joy of finding an usable vein, the utter disbelief when it dissapears or goes into hiding again, poking yourself full of holes and scratching around in your arm looking for it with your spick, god the life of a junkie is so much fun its actually quite sick, if you didnt pick up the fucking sarcasm in that sentence, then for you i wont show alotta hope or penetance. All of your clothes are covered with blood spots everywhere: but untill youre clean you dont give a fuck or actually care...
Walking around with blood on all your attire, to someone who doesnt know it might look like you got stuck in barb-wire. When you pick out your clothes you always make sure its shades of black or dark blue - cause when then blood starts dripping theres not much you'll do. Blood stains on your clothes or a decent hit? God! I dont even think there is a debate about it. All i know is that this stupid fucking habit need to end soon, cause you can really feel how fucked up you really are when its full-moon...
Waking up and it doesnt matter how many hits you take, this feeling doesnt want to change, alter or break. Physically you feel that youll be better of dead and if you knew it was full moon you wouldve much rather stayed in bed. Emotionally fucked up, wobbling, buckled and bent in so many different ways; Yes! U normally feel like this but its so much more intense and in your face on full moon days. To make it worse you veins fuck around cause somehow or another they know its full moon too, now you tell me: WHAT THE FUCK CAN A PERSON DO???

'Hey god, theres nothing left for me to hide. I lost my ignorance, security and pride. I'm all alone in a world you must despise. Hey God, i believed that promises, your promises and lies. You made me throw it all away. My morals left to decay. How many you betray. You've taken everything.
My head is filled with disease. My skin is begging you please. I'm on my hands and knees. I want so much to believe.'

NIN - Terrible lie

1 comment:

  1. If there is a god and he is the ultimate perfection and we are supposably made in his image, and he only wants good for us, then why did give us such "gifts" as phlegm and tooth decay. Why is there pain and suffering? Sure pain is there to alert us that something is wrong. Why couldn't we be alerted by a ding or light glowing from the problem area. If we are made in his image why the hell do there have to be health problems? This god is one sadistic fuck. Playing with us as if we are his toys.

    Nope I don't believe it, god is dead. More likely god never exsisted. The closest feeling humans will ever know is the first few months getting high on heroin, before even heroin addiction sets in, and gradually makes life worse than it was before you started getting high. If only out were legal and always avaliable.
    I hope the Mayan's calendar coming to an end really does mean the end of the world, at least as we know it to be. The best thing would be if Planet Earth is totally destroyed, leaving no life behind. Maybe our conscience live one without memories, or any bodies, or matter attached to it. Just beings of pure energy out there in the universe or paralell universes moving through many different dimensions. Time space fabric, black holes, super novas. No pain and suffering.
    One can dream, and hope.

    Sorry for going on and on.
    You should read my book. I describe a scean I lived where I was so full of holes and blood, wearing a plain white tee blood all ober my shirt, face, hans, and arms. I looked as though I had just commiyed a brutal crime. I had forgot I was covered in blood and went to a 24 hour Walgreens pharmacy to buy syringes. Cops were called, iit was a disasture. Pretty much every iv junky has pretty much the same story.