Friday, 6 July 2012

Up, up and a crash

How many different ways are there of expressing how lost you are? How many different ways are there of explaining how far? Frustration can only be explained in so many ways before it starts sounding like a heap of whining? Only so many ways of telling about the walls you are climbing. Going on over and over on about being annoyed, repeating and repeating about everything youve destroyed? Already working on your own nerves with all the complaining yet in the same fucking position you are remaining...
Promising yourself every fucking day youre gonna change, writing yourself letters and making plans on how your life youre gonna rearrange. So many spicks youve broken and thrown away, reminding yourself over and over there is another way. Plotting and planning your strategy on paper and in your head, reminding yourself that long ago you shouldve already be dead. Trying to use this fear of your heart stopping as a tool, over and over calling yourself a dumb cunt, an idiot, a fool...
So when are all these plans gonna start falling into place, constantly telling yourself 'watch this space'. Making a mllion plans a day just to stop, i mean for fuck sakes; dead i dont wat to drop. Then the sun rises on the day you marked as number one, quickly a last hit just before your stomach starts to run. Once again you fucked yourself hard - and youre back in the planning phase right at the fucking start...

'And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.'

Simon and Garfunkel - Kathy's Song

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