Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Fuck this day!

Blank and empty page for my random and screwed up thoughts to mess up this clean and clear space. Fucking stunning you dumbass oxygen thief and of organs, skin and bone you are truly a fucking waste. Everyday starts with this hectic feeling of anxiety just to say goodmorning and give me a jump-start for the day, Yip! Heroin is the only thing that can make this motherfucker of a feeling go away. Fucked up phisically and emotionally in all ways untill you get that first fucking hit: BUT unfortunately for you to survive the whole day you need another hit or five and that is about it...
The first hit is just to settle your stomach and calm your nerves down a wee little bit - i can guarantee you if you dont get it before lunchtime in your pants you will literally shit. The one after the stabilzer is there to put you in a mood just to start your day - and if you dont get it everyone must just fuckoff cause youre not in the mood to play. Just got this sudden realisation how fucked im really in the head, i need to stop this shit but im rather writing korny poems about it instead. Its as if someone just hit me over the head with a harsh dose of reality, ive known im fucked up all along but now i can see...
I need to change this fucking lifestyle of mine and fast, cause for fuck sakes how long do i think im gonna last. This fear of death has just creeped me out totally, i really need to stop this shit and set myself free! Its so much easier said than done, and in my books failure has never ever been fun. Completely fucked up a junkie with OCD, sounds fucked up and retarded but thats my life, thats me...

'Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld, So I can sigh eternally. I'm so tired I can't sleep, I'm a liar and a thief.
I sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea. I'm anemic royalty'

Nirvana - Pennyroyal tea

1 comment:

  1. I too want a Lenord Cohen afterworld.

    Hey, I've been there. Being hooked is a bitch, still you can't help but want her and, even more when shes been away a while. Hate her and love her both at the same time.
    I can't imagine having OCD on top of being strung out. Why don't you get yourself on the liquid goop they call methadone? I know it sucks not being able to get as high as could without it, plus your tolerance shoots up. So if you do chip on top of your dose its expensive. The up side...not going sick every two to four hours.
    I like to think of heroin as Judas. Your best friend who ends up betraying you, and getting you killed. In the end you forgive Judas, because before he betrayed you he was your best, closest friend. He was made in God's image, but evil infiltrated him. He's just human. (except "he" is a poppy plant's juices.)
    I hope things get better for you and Judas.
    Anna Grace Young