Sunday, 1 July 2012

Double Cream Yoghurt

Planted solidly on the toilet or rather let me call it what it is; my 'office' chair, the sound of beethoven pumping in the background thats gently filling the air. FINALLY cooking up after a 3 1/2 hour long wait for the fucking dealer to show - and when youre waiting for drugs the time drags the fuck along, it takes forever and im not joking when i say SLOW! Every single second that passes really feels like eternity - thats every addicts' nightmare and i promise you that its not just me. Pacing up and down, then sitting, then standing again, then sitting trying to keep busy but all youre actually doing is clock-watching - so much precious time wasted while waiting for this fucker whos taking forever just your gear to bring...
Seconds feel like minutes, minutes like hours and hours feel like days. You can phone someone else and make different missions cause there is literally a thousand and one other ways; BUT 'NO!' - you had to ask him for a present and he said yes he'll give you an extra one tonight, so like a good boy you shut the fuck up and youre trying your best not to pick a fight. Every 5 minutes youll phone and the conversation goes something like: 'how fucking far are you my man!?!' and your common sense repeatedly says 'just make another bloody plan', yet the addict inside wins the fight just by saying '6 is so much better than 5' and that little 'justification' helps to keep the clock-watching alive...
By now you are so annoyed and fucking hectically pissed, although there is not much going on in your life that you have missed. Doing things you never do like watching television and reading gossip magazines just to make the time go by, but for fuck sakes you cant distract yourself enough to make it fly. Then like a voice from heaven, finally the sound of my phones ring, god dammit not one but two extra presents did he bring. All of a sudden you forget about what felt like six months you had to wait - and now life is beautiful, perfect, amazing and so fucking great...

'Lost time is never found again'

Benjamin Franklin

2 comments:

  1. Hey. Thanks for sharing this. I really like you, I like a lot of addicts. I am grateful for people like you who are willing to share how it feels, what its like. I have a hard time relating but I do understand because all of you seem to experience such similar feelings. I just hope my son doesn't go backwards.

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  2. So so true . . . My "man" is only two mins away but I wait for fucking hours! I get so angry and snappy and I'm gonna tell him (when I've got the gear) . . . "Don't you realise I can't sit waiting for hours like this, I got kids to take care of?"
    Then the knock at the door "O hi mate" . . .(suddenly not quite so ill)
    him; "soz I'm a bit late, somut cropped up"
    me; "O no worries mate" (all fucking smiles). . . No, no worries now.
    Take care x

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