Fuck? Again? Bonus

Another couple of days out of harms way, what the fuck else can i say, ive learnt to cock-block myself so immensly that quitting doesnt strain me so intensly. Yet not knowing what the day of tomorrow will bring, song of joy i wont yet sing. Just knowing that im so fucking hectically down and up, sometimes peoples talking sounds like its in dub. Lingering and hinkering for another day or two, cause again myself i dont again want to screw. Baby steps i need to take, no more promises to myself i can break, no more cooking or shooting, have to walk this line and keep my footing; sad truth is that medicated am i so hectically and everyone around me can see. But atleast my pinned eyes are gone yet now again that gets seem as wrong. People has known me on a buzz for years and the moment i am clean and sober they start shedding tears. Thats wht a master manipulator over the years ive been, cause i promise you that no one has known or seen. Now when im sober its a fucking issue - what the fuck? It feels like there is nothing left for me to do...

'A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life'

James Allen