Monday, 9 July 2012

Regret 101

The closer i get to giving up the further i move away; strenght, motivation, power and everything that is good just completely went astray. The more of these corny fucking poems i write, the more with myself i want to fight. Dont even know why i do this shit? Complaining, escaping, moaning that could be it. They say rather regret the things you didnt do but how the fuck do you not regret how hard yourself you did screw. For a certain period of my life every thing was just fucking dandy and fine, ontop of the world and for the taking everything was mine. Ill never understand why the fuck i stepped back into this spriral with a smile on my face, lost everything that was good and pure in my life and turned myself into an utter disgrace. Everything was going so fucking good and well. A success story of recovery my life was starting to tell. Nothing triggered me and nothing went wrong, god dammit i shudve rather smoked a bong. But no the clever cunt as only i could be, really to fucking stupid and naive to see. Just on bag and tomorrow everything will be the same, i thought this demon i learnt to tame. In one day i lost everything that was important to me, i thought no one would notice or see. Not even a week later everything was gone, life upside down and everything that was right turned completely fucking wrong. Lost all the fucking trust that was so hard to regain, now im only stuck with this fucking addiction, lots of regrets and heaps of pain. Ill never understand why, its not even worth it to cry. All that was good and pure in my life i shattered to shit and that is a very suttle way to put it. So much hard work i flushed away and now im stuggling just to get past a day. When life is good 24 hours flies by so fast but when youre going cold turkey forever a fucking day will last. So much fucking anger pain and regret, for the first time ever everything i lost is so fucking difficult to forget. Fuck you! you fucking dumb ass, you were so clean you didnt even smoke grass - but no you had to throw it all away and once again you dread your next day. Anxiety, cravings and pain, emotional breakdown, regrets and standing on the border of going insane. I just wish all this shit i can forget: but all im stuck with is a big pile of shit and a even bigger heap of regret. And its not even about me - the dissapointment in the eyes of my loved one i can still see. And that really hurts and sux dick, im really a stupid fucking prick. Sorry doesnt even work anymore, curled up in a ball on the ice cold tile floor. I really apologize to everyone i let down, hurt and even worst to my angel to whom i lied, so much time wasted and so many unnecassary tears cried. I love you so badly and with all my heart: i just wish we could make a fresh start. I never desrved your love in the first place and now i turned into a huge fucking disgrace. Hate, anger, frustration, longing and regret - the most amazing time of my life was the time we spent together and your true and pure love ill never ever forget...

'Shed a tear cause im missing you, im still alright to smile. Girl i think about you all the time. Was a time when i wasnt sure but you set my mind at ease, there is no doubt youre in my heart now. Said woman take it slow and itll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience'

Guns n Roses - Patience

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